Last Monday was not my ideal day, but I woke up- and that, in and of itself, made it marvelous.
After we got news that Addie’s MRI wasn’t crystal clear, my heart sank, heavy in my chest. Friends reached out- sending love, prayers and hugs. I am still feeling those- thankful that so many who love our sweet lady and are standing behind her, no matter what the outcome. And then, there was an article.
My best friend was in a fit of worry. I could tell, as she’d called me about 4 times and sent some texts- everything from asking if I was OK to pictures and memes trying to get my mind off the news. And then she sent me an article, THIS article and I read it through tears of knowing, because all those late nights and stressful times that have come, I’ve never felt a moment of anything but thanks. This line resonated with me, heaving a sigh through my body as though I was reading something written about me from a total stranger: “You will never regret the sacrifices you make for them now.”
I know it is hard, this thing we refer to as parenting, but more than that? It’s rewarding. I’ve partied… a lot. I’ve celebrated, had girls’ night, gone on dates. And now, my nights are home. My friendships often get nourished through Skype chats and play dates of chasing babies. Some friends have come and some have gone.
But I have the love of my life and the sweet baby (almost babies!) we’ve made… and I have this.
A small body laid curled over my leg.
Yotion, she asked. The L adorably replaced.
How could I resist her plea?
I started with her neck.
Parting her hair to the side- her golden curls still wet from the water, leaving marks on my shorts.
I moved down her back, as she swirled her body around.
Her belly rubbing my skin below, her feet meeting below the bowing of her legs.
She was round where God intended.
Her perfect limbs curled in just that way.
With small fingers tucked neatly under her chin.
I massaged her soft skin,
between each roll and over every muscle.
Watching her eyelids grow heavy as she drifted to sleep.
Repeating the same songs my own mother sang to me as a child.
These are the moments in between all the other moments that I remember best.
Long summer days filled with gardens and sprinklers.
Bug catchers and pinwheels.
Laughter that the neighbors stop to enjoy.
A bath that leaves a ring of dirt- the telltale sign of a good day-
and the minutes that follow.
Just me and her.
Lying together under the fan.
A mother and child.
Love redefined in memories that are mine to remember.