Would you like peanuts?

As if I haven’t mentioned this before… I LOVE these Mom before Mom prompts. They bring me back to some fantastic times in my life, as well as reliving and remembering that sometimes life just isn’t fair and that’s OK. Thank you, Carla, at AllofmeNow!

This week’s prompt: What did you want to be when you grew up? Do you still harbor a desire to be that? When did you realize your dream was or wasn’t possible?

“My name is Michelle. I drew myself as a stewardess. A stewardess is…” Thanks to Mrs. Carpenter’s class and Career Day, I knew what I wanted to be: a flight attendant. I wanted to travel the world, be a free spirit and serve others. Sounds silly, but my bachelors is in hospitality- so I guess the desire to serve others never went away. I don’t remember too much about the day our parents came in to school tell what they did and what our reactions were (except to Geoff’s grandfather- who ran a gymnastics school I painfully wanted to go to, but was too tall by the 5th grade to ever be admitted), but I do remember the life size portraits we made of ourselves in our desired positions.

In art class, our bodies were traced and then we decorated our paper-selves as we imagined we would be as adults. I remember painting a hat on myself, and a navy blue uniform- more of a business looking suit- complete with my pin of wings. I imagined a perfect bob beneath my cap, a red painted smile and gloved hands. I saw myself becoming this:

I wanted to serve people in a professional manner and see the world, and I wanted to look good doing it. Although I think my ship has sailed (or plan has flown) to pursue a career as a flight attendant, I still imagine myself as a jet-setter in my dreams. Something like this, maybe?

I suppose a conflict of boyfriend and reality both got in my way, in terms of being a flight attendant. There were so many things I wanted to do- being a doctor was high on the list- but I always found something to limit me. In this case, I knew I could never tell a parent or a child that they were going to lose the other, so I knew being a doctor was not in my future. I disappointed many teachers when I told them I would not be applying for any pre-med programs. Then, there was the idea that I would go to school for business, but that seemed too general for me, which led me to hospitality. There were so many things I could do with my degree, but I chose to focus on events. I. Love. Weddings. I love Love. I use it as a proper noun, because when it’s real love, it’s Love. I do not think you Love only once in your life, but whether you are celebrating your first, or your last, or maybe the one in the middle- I have some insane desire to help people plan their day. And so, a planner I was.

Sadly, this economy can only harbor so many wedding planners, and while the 7am-1am days wore thin on me, I drifted away from my plan of being J.Lo in The Wedding Planner. Plus, what if I fell in love with Matthew McAbs? His country-boy accent would eventually wear out its welcome, and long after the credits rolled, I’m sure I would have moved on to be with someone more suitable for me (like Dave). Alas, I digress.

I guess I made it impossible to catch my dream of applying to be a flight attendant because I was in love with a boy. One when I applied to, and decided to attend JWU, and a different one when I graduated. The idea of leaving someone for a career seemed too far-fetched, although sometimes I want to kick myself in the rear end for stunting my professional growth for two people I no longer have feelings of love for. Everything happens for a reason, and if my two feet had not been planted on the ground, I would not have married the man of my dreams.

Being Addie’s mom, I have found myself more invested in the idea of traveling- especially to LPA conferences and hopefully to DC to help make some much needed changes for our new community we call family. There are so many things I do not need and have given up without even noticing: massages, manicures, pedicures, highlights, dinners out, new winter boots, another pair of running shorts, extra minutes on my phone, movies in theater, drinks at the bar, coffees, and song downloads… to name a few- and without these things, we’ve kept up with the medical bills and everyday life. Perhaps, we will be able to get out more often, and, more-so, we will have the funds to allow Addie to have the opportunity to go to many of the local and national LPA events, and have a few custom things for her in our home.

I hope to get my MFA, and to be able to send Addie and our future child(ren) to college, to provide them with their first cars, and pay for their weddings- my dream of flying those friendly skies as a career have been replaced with different dreams, and one of the biggest already being fulfilled: becoming a(ddie’s) mom.

When I grow up, I hope to be… me.