Life is messy.
Since we left DC, I’ve been in a tizzy. I’ve been getting things done, then something happens: a heatwave, a death, a darkness creeping in. It all leaves me deserting my attempts at success, and inevitably cleaning.
Yesterday, I gutted the office. This might seem like a menial task, but our office is a true bedroom. It houses 2 desks, 2 computers, a large printer, a router, 2 filing cabinets, an unnecessary amount of framed pictures, 2 large bookshelves shoved to the brim with everything from Poe to Meyer to Machiavelli. Five race medals hang from a hook, my Dad’s old cowboy boots are nestled in the closet, along with an entire collection of Norman Rockwell plates. And pictures. There are a lot of pictures. I spent hours playing with Addie, and making a game out of piling things into the hall for mommy…
I also threw away a stack of photos almost a foot high:
I wish I could say this post was going to prompt me to write more and suddenly become focused, but I’m in a funk… I want to leave Rhode Island, and all the lack-of-opportunity behind. I want a place where I can meet people who don’t know everything about me. I want to write a new chapter.
… and during all of my digging yesterday, I found this gem from my JWU days:
Bottle top from a Magic Hat #9. C. 2004
I don’t know if where I’ve been matters, so I got rid of it. The letters, the ticket stubs, the photos in old frames, business cards and expired drivers licenses. The friendship keychains, passed notes, birthday cards, costume jewelry. Most of all, the pictures. Memories are just memories. They are meant to stay in our minds and fade as time goes by- that’s how we survive, grow and move on.
Collecting myself so we can get to where we are going in life… here we go!
P.S. Looking forward to a 10-part series about the LPA National Conference? Me too!
Aww, sending a virtual hug Chelley! One of my favorite sayings is that change is painful…That being said, if we never do it, we will never grow..
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I agree. Life is messy and complicated.. Learn to play along. It’s already very complex so try not add to the complications. God with the flow and be happy 🙂
Cleansing is life-altering and life-giving. When Barry and I moved last year, I had our oldest son Keith lug 7 million boxes of stuff… all saved by me… to the driveway. I told all 4 kids to get their asses over to our driveway and take the stuff home. OK. They all came. They all laughed at the stuff. I think even a few tears were shed. Keith took one small box of stuff from his life. Adam. the same. Audrey the same. Jane the same. All that stuff I had been carting around and lamenting its loss… they already had the memories. We loaded a truck of this stuff and headed to Barry’s dumpster. That’s the wisdom. You have it. You know it. And when the memories are gone, no-one will know who this stuff belonged to, anyway! Keith has video of me carrying boxes from the attic, a tiara on my head from one of the girls and lots of foul-talking shit from their Mama of why this stuff was saved. We still laugh at it til we cry. And we remember til we don’t. I’m gonna miss you, beautiful lady, and I haven’t even met you… xo!
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Oh hun, I feel you. It can be so cleansing to clean the slate. Whatever’s hanging around or coming around, be in it. I read a quote on FB recently and it really stayed with me. “Feelings are just gifts of energy. We are the ones who feel the need to label and categorize them. So, yes, it actually is safe to feel your feelings. Enjoy the gifts of energy and let them your body after they’ve been fully felt. The only time feelings drain you is when you resist them. Let them course through your veins like electric fireballs and remind you that you are ALIVE.” Love to you, mama.
I find it really hard that I always have a real long to-do list (I think all mums do), I mean I have stuff planned to do next Feb and hardly anything ever gets done when I plan it. Life happens, especially when you have kids. I am learning to deal with the constant frustration of unfinished business, I don’t find it easy as I have a need for outside harmony when things around me cause emotional turmoil. Don’t have any advice, but I can very much relate. And you know this Chelly, tomorrow will be a better day. Or the day after… Hugs from the emerald Isle.
You know the crazy stuff I have been thru in the past 11 months. I too have been “cleaning house”. Getting rid of as much as I can to simply my life. I never knew it would end up being a cleansing experience for me. I am no where close to being done, but I will get there. You will too.
and I wish you would move here. I mean, come on, Abita Beer is made here! Addie and Maddie and Molly could be BFF’s and grow up together! Tons of opportunities in the South… you would be surprised!
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