Dear mothers and fathers,
You did nothing wrong. Depression is not your fault. Your child’s depression is not your fault. The darkness that overtakes them, you, your family.
You did nothing wrong.
There’s an inability for you right now. You cannot connect how your sweet, loving daughter or once varsity athlete son is suddenly alone, crying, angry, sleeping, cutting. They have the perfect life, you think to yourself. But depression is not about what we have or don’t have. Depression is deeper than the money in the bank, the roof over our heads. Depression is the deeply seeded component to our lives that we cannot control with a credit card or praise.
Depression is not your fault.
You did nothing wrong.
I want to grab you by your shoulders and shake some sense into you. This is not about you, I promise. This is not because you did not love enough, or give enough. This is not because you work, or don’t work, or didn’t go to Disney World, or because you said no to those shorts that were a bit too short. This is not because of you. This is not your fault. You did nothing wrong.
Now is the time that your child needs you to be the parent. The time when you need to find them that help- and they will fight you. They will tell you they won’t cut again. That they didn’t mean to take those pills. But they are crying out for you. Even from behind dead eyes that you think hold no emotion. They’re crying.
I hate you.
They will say it. Your flesh and blood. Your child who knows the difference between right and wrong. Love and hate. They will tell you they hate you. And it will feel true. Right now, it is. But you did nothing wrong. You are saving their life. You are saving your own. That is your heart, slowing walking outside your body, dying, reaching for you.
This is your time to parent and their time to child. Just for today, you need to adult. Don’t worry about tomorrow, yet. Today is here and now. And adulting is hard. It’s more than waking up and putting your feet in your shoes, it’s putting your mask on first, and then fighting like hell to get your child to put theirs on. It’s not going to be easy. But this is not your fault. Depression is not your fault. You did nothing wrong.
If you’re reading this, I hope you know, I’ve been there too. I wanted to die. I hated my mom. She let them restrain me. She let me sedate me. She let them sign me in.
She saved me.
And I will save you from the thought that you cannot do this. You can. You did nothing wrong, and you’re doing so much right. There is help and love and light. There. Is. Light.
You did nothing wrong.
Depression is a very dark place with very little logical thinking. And it is hard to accept that family didn’t do it to their child/parent. It is something that happens sometimes via no fault of anyone. And it’s hard to accept that.
This is a great reminder of how abstract depression can be and that others must not blame themselves.
Amber Edwards recently posted…Stride Rite Durable Kids Shoes at Target
So true. I have a friend battling for her daughter now… my heart breaks for her
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…You did nothing wrong: An Open Letter to You.
Depression is so hard to go through I can’t even imagine how hard as a part it is to help your kids. Your mom sounds like an amazing mom and the strength for her to be able to do it as well.
Vera Sweeney recently posted…Daily VLOG: Grandma’s Picture Brings Kids To Tears
She is an amazing woman, for sure! All parents who make it through depression are, indeed.
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…You did nothing wrong: An Open Letter to You.
You were very lucky to have parents who stuck by you. So many would have thrown in the towel.
Scott recently posted…Back to School With a New Style
So true. I am very blessed.
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…You did nothing wrong: An Open Letter to You.
Wow, I am almost without words. My mom recently ended her own life and I have been struggling with her decision. This is something I needed to read. Thank you!
I am so sorry to hear this. I am sending you light and love during this dark hour.
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…#TheChoiceChat Book Club + Pizza Supreme Cheese Ball
Depression is hard, and I agree with Scott. You are lucky for having parents like them.
OurFamilyWorld recently posted…5 Perfect Gender-Neutral Baby Gifts Every New Parent Will Love
Truly and wholly. Without my parents, I am not sure I would be here.
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…#TheChoiceChat Book Club + Pizza Supreme Cheese Ball
Oh that is so hard. I know that depression is such a evil thing.
Amber NElson recently posted…My Kids Want To Go To College, But How Will We Afford It? #ForTheDream
Truly.
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…#TheChoiceChat Book Club + Pizza Supreme Cheese Ball
I’m so glad your mom fought for you and helped you fight for yourself. There IS light and yours is shining brightly.
Liz Mays recently posted…Pro Prep Diaries: Checking in on My Four Goals
Thank you, Liz.
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…#TheChoiceChat Book Club + Pizza Supreme Cheese Ball
Depression is one of those things that has nothing to do with anything anyone else has done. The person does need help, professional help to hopefully get over it, before they do something which can’t be undone.
Truth. There is so much blame out there, I love knowing that there are people, like yourself, who really get it.
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…#TheChoiceChat Book Club + Pizza Supreme Cheese Ball
This is reality for so many people. Few have someone as dedicated as your mom in helping someone through the depression.
That is such a painful truth.
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…#TheChoiceChat Book Club + Pizza Supreme Cheese Ball
Depression is no joke!!! Unfortunately I know A few that suffer. Great post 🙂
I’m sorry to hear that.
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…#TheChoiceChat Book Club + Pizza Supreme Cheese Ball
YES! I have this talk with my mom a lot
It’s important!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…#TheChoiceChat Book Club + Pizza Supreme Cheese Ball