A few weeks ago I posted about a mom who was perturbed by my breastfeeding Millie while waiting in line in the grocery store checkout. While most people who have seen a child begging for something as they wait in line- usually for candy or some other sugary treat- would have just rolled their eyes, my child, asking for a boo-boo, seemed to spark a nerve in this mom. Her son was with her- maybe he was 15 or 16- and I would imagine we were both sharing mom done-ness at that moment. No parent waiting in the grocery store line at 6:30 at night has patience. Whether their children are 4 or 16, our last nerve is slowly being struck, and so I understood that she was at the end of her rope. I understood that my child whining was annoying. Frankly I too was annoyed, so I put Millie in the the top part of the cart I leaned in, raised my top shirt, unlatched my tank top, and allowed her to nurse. I wish I could say she could even see anything, but all you could hear was really happy baby, slurping away- finally… comfort. Relief. My tired, hungry, 20 month old girl had exactly what she wanted. While not a sugary treat or baked good, this mother still felt the need to tisk me.
She’s not hungry for your milk like that. Just tell her ‘no’. the woman had said to me. She also mentioned she wasn’t trying to be mean… in truth, I think she was more concerned about her son’s wandering eyes, slowly landing on the bit of side boob that I’m sure was revealed as Millie gleefully wrapped her hand around my breast.
And this is why it sparked my interest when a friend sent me a picture of the current Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Edition. A young woman on the cover, groping her breasts- barely covering her nipples- in a barely visible bikini bottom. The swimsuit edition I thought. Where’s the swimsuit?
My friend is a mom as well, though her kids are older than mine… and boys. I can imagine she feels a grip in her throat when her sons see exposed breasts on a magazine cover. What will they think? How do they perceive women? I got why she sent me the picture… I’ve been called out for breastfeeding without a cover and an older child. There’s a portion of the population that focuses on shaming breastfeeding women. There’s been stories of the woman who had breast fed at a Bernie rally having death threats said to her. Death threats for feeding her child.
Oh you just want attention they say.
That poor baby they say.
Breasts are sexual so breastfeeding is sexual they say.
Have they ever tried to breastfeed?
It’s not exactly a cakewalk… even when it comes easily (as it did for me and Millie and not so much for me and Addie). Feeding a hungry baby is, in no way, a sexual act. Breasts are not, inherently, sexual.
When we see young women on the cover of magazines, out in the open in a prominent display at, of all places, Cumberland Farms (a chain of gas stations, if you’re not familiar), no one says a word. No one takes pictures and slams this business, or Sports Illustrated. No one says that these models are posing for attention or because they want to show off their boobs… They are heralded as beautiful women. Models. Blessed with a fabulous figure.
But let’s remember: They are posing with their breasts [mostly] exposed, for money. To make more money.
Women breastfeeding?
We’re just trying to keep our kids from going off the rails on a crazy train. Or get through the line at the grocery store without having a breakdown.
Or, you know, keeping our children alive by feeding them.
I’m not blessed with a beautiful figure, but I’m pretty athletic .I’m not a model and I’m not breastfeeding for attention- in fact, her wailing in public for a boo-boo is sometimes too much for me… until I look into her eyes and realize, she is just tired, or didn’t eat enough lunch, or just needs comfort. And then I’m just loving my child as she needs in that moment.
I’m feeding my child.
If a woman touching herself on the cover of a magazine that is exposed in a gas station at eye level of your children doesn’t inspire you to riot, then you don’t, in the same un-upending breath, get to be offended by me feeding my child. You not teaching your sons (and daughters) that breastfeeding is natural and simply one form of feeding a child- that breasts are, in fact, scientifically for feeding children- then that’s on you. Not me.
So listen up Sports Illustrated and listen up Boy Scouts of America. Breasts aren’t so scary and aren’t so sexual and aren’t for exploitation or shame. Stop blaming your erections, impure thoughts, embarrassment and fears of the human body on my child’s hunger.
I formula fed, so my kids were on a schedule & I really had no idea what it was like to breastfeed until my sisters in law started having babies.
But the point is not knowing what it’s like to breastfeed, but to know, woman to woman, mom to mom, that breasts are not just sex objects. That they are ONE way we feed our babies. That no one should be shamed for breastfeeding, especially when we see mostly naked breasts in magazines staring our kids in the face.
Man, such a big topic lately. theres a lot of passion and opinion from both sides.
Yes… passion about whether a woman’s breasts are solely for a man’s pleasure, or whether they are also acceptable to feed a child. Kind of insane to me.
HUGE topic and this needs to be said over and over again until people get it in their heads! Breastfeeding is just that! Nothing more.
Amen!
Breastfeeding (especially in public) has definitely become such a big hot topic lately. As a mother of two (who breastfed for a short time), I say do whatever it is that makes you and your child happy instead of people judging others.
THIS exactly. Why is there such a focus on caring who is breastfeeding?
I also had to formula feed our daughter as she was adopted so I have no idea what it is like to breast feed. Thank you for this great post.
But… this has nothing to do with breastfeeding, as much as exposed breasts on a magazine cover being acceptable, but a woman breastfeeding is not, and how that doesn’t make sense.
OMG my boobs are different sizes as well. Some dresses don’t fit right b/c of it either.
Ummm… what?
LOL I could not expose my breasts on a magazine after I breast fed. It is true there is something wrong with breasts exposed on magazines but people are offended with breastfeeding.
So true!
This is such a huge topic lately. I don’t get why everyone can’t just leave it alone. I have no problem with breastfeeding at all. It’s a natural thing and everyone should just mind their own business. If you have nothing good to say then don’t even say it at all.
Yes!
Well said! I hate that this is still such a problem for some people. It is natural! People need to educate themselves on the matter more.
I wish it was taught more in school. I remember once in health class my teacher called breasts “boobies.” …it was totally the wrong message.
Thankfully I never had any confrontation about my breastfeeding my kids. I’m sure there were plenty of eye rolls, but no one had the gall to say anything.
Even eye rolls are too much. I usually hear nothing- which is good! I know this woman was at the end of her rope for the day… I am hoping this double standard gives way, soon.
So well said! I wish people didnt have such a problem with it.
Me too!
I stopped nursing my children at a much earlier age and people seemed more tolerant. I never had a problem with nursing in public. Most people aren’t used to seeing kids that age nursing, that’s probably what triggered her.
She’s under two… I know SO many kids at 2 still nursing. I can totally see your point though- but I’m still not sure why it triggered her. Why was that her concern? Turn around and MYOB if you can’t handle it.
This is such a huge topic these days. Personally, I see nothing wrong with breastfeeding in public but have run into many people that do not like it.
If you have any insight- do you know what it is that they don’t like? They don’t like a child being fed?
Well said. It’s two entirely different things and I wish people would realize that breastfeeding is breast”FEEDING”, not anything else.
Exactly!
Such a touchy topic these days. I’m all for breastfeeding in public, but also like a little modesty when it happens.
I totally get that! I mean I have totally caught myself with a bit more of the top of my breast exposed than even I’d like, but, especially in this instance, I was covered.
I cannot believe all of the recent fuss regarding breastfeeding. It was (and still should be) the societal norm to feed our children natural, when did that change?
Truth!
So many things change and in all different directions, from the acceptance we have of a swim suit models barely clad to the controversy of breastfeeding in public. People need to figure out what is right when it comes to our natural bodies.
Just let our bodies be!
I breastfed both of my children. Sometimes it meant i had to breastfeed in public. Women should not be shamed for feeding their children.
Exactly!
I loved breastfeeding my kids. It was an amazing experience for me. I always felt like i had to cover up or try to hide when i had to breastfeed in public. There is nothing wrong with it and we need to make it more common place.
Totally! Hiding in corners or denying our kids to avoid upsetting other people is no way to live!
I have found that no matter what age a child is (1 or 16) if a parent doesn’t make a big deal out of a situation then neither will the child. Too bad that women didn’t use her uncomfortable moment to teach her son that if he saw some boob, then no big deal. A baby was hungry. End of story.
Mic drop.
Oh people get so out of whack so easily anymore. Sorry you had to deal with it.
<3
I am so tired of the mommy police. It is our job to teach our sons how to treat women, not tell people how to feed their kids or where to do it.
YES YES YES!
This country is so ass backwards that it hardly surprises me they get more offended by nature verses filth. I just wish I was less scared to breastfeed when my kids were little. I felt ashamed by society to do it in public and I believe that is what ruined my supply.
Oh, mama. I am so sorry to hear that!
Good for you! Id hate to see her vacation in Europe! Boobs and bums everywhere! People really need to get over it!
LOL! Right?!
I wish people could just accept that boobs are boobs! It drives me nuts that people hate on breastfeeding in public.
Amen!
My Eli nursed for almost 2 years. I totally get it.
#solidarity
You could hand her a copy of any magazine at the rack so look at instead.
OMG! THAT’S SO PERFECT!!!!!
Your words are just plain perfect 💜
<3
My wife was fortunate enough to never run into this. Not that we weren’t offered unsolicited advice for everything else under the sun. In the end analysis, I think folks making a big deal over something that’s been going on, literally, since the inception of the species is more than a bit much. It’s interesting that they get just as uptight if the kid screams instead.