You don’t have to do that anymore. There is no glory in it, but a life time of selling our own daughters short of their potential as they watch us flounder for them.
My friend posted this and for a moment I paused.
I felt a loss of wind spew from my chest. Was this me? Was this my mother?
My view actually changed as I held my phone in my hand glancing down at the Facebook- post but in truth, while it resonated with me, it also wasn’t entirely applicable. By the time I felt like my mom had really given up herself for us, my brother had been dead 8 years and my father just a few weeks. My sister was just shy of 21, I was 13 and my brothers were 5… and we were life. We were all she had. We were the life she made and the life she could keep alive, a sentiment that she’s repeated to me in brutal moments over the years.
The real times that she opens up and tells me all the guilt and hurt that she too felt but couldn’t express, because kids are selfish. Especially kids in grief. Kids like me. When there’s a loss these kids who are selfish are the only ones suffering. The strongest woman light the dark nights, draw their babies near in the early moments of the morning, endlessly smile on the afternoons that drag on longer and longer and longer. Pleading in a silent misery to stop their own pain. We think they just don’t feel the same feelings we do, but, my God, they’re dying inside. And it’s the most painful death a person can go through. Mothering alone. A part of themselves being buried inch-by-inch each day- as though the bodies we miss- decomposing in the ground- mimics the way the souls of the living feel. So while I sit here and ponder my mom for giving up herself for me, for unconsciously attributing everything I am to her because she’s the one that got me through the darkest nights the earliest mornings and the longest afternoons, I also have to thank her for giving up herself. Her dreams and her hopes for both herself and me, she watched me year after year dash those things. I have a messy head, a biting tongue, impulsivity, with a heart of gold. But that Heart of Gold never did anybody any good at the end of the day when they aren’t what their parents thought they would be. So my mom gave up those hopes and dreams, and replaced them with happiness and love. She’s only wished happiness and love. She’s supported it as it’s come and gone, and stayed, and been born.
Through it all.
Thanks Mom. Happy Mother’s Day.
Reading through this post made me stop and think about my mom too. She was widowed at the age of 53, She raised all four of us alone, and made do with the savings she and daddy had. I know my mom loved to travel but she had to give that up because traveling would mean extra expense, which could be used instead to pay for college tuition for me and my siblings. 🙁
Moms really are amazing. I love that my trio expresses that to me every chance that they can. They admire all that I sacrifice for them and it’s a great feeling. It’s tiresome being a mom, I don’t think we realize what our parents did until we become a mom ourself.
Wonderful post! I put 30 years of my life into raising children. Once my youngest moved out I was at a total loss. I had no life of my own. Not only that my daughter started to do the same thing. What kind of example did I set for her, definitely not one of having her own life.
This is such a nice post and I love reading it. I remember my mom in this article on how she sacrificed herself for us and how she does everything for all of us. I love my mom so much even I have my own kids my love with her will never fade and I will always give my best to make her proud.
Such a great post and it makes me tear up because I remember my mom when I was a child doing everything for me and until now. She is my superhero and my kid’s superhero too!
This makes my heartbreaks. I am badly missing my mom. All moms are really our superheroes.
My mom was definitely like this and it bothered me over the years. I wish she had been a little more selfish and taking time to do things for herself. I know she didn’t totally regret her decision but I think there was some part of her that wished she had made more time for her.
Deep and thoughtful. I miss my mum alot. Lost her to the cold hands of death few years ago and this is just so perfect for a mind relaxing and feeling that she is in a better place.