You’re Magic

It’s no surprise I think my baby girl is the most amazing human to ever exist. She is, to me, magic. In the days after Friday’s tragedy, I find myself feeling more blessed and emotional than usual (which is intense). I have the opportunity to hold my baby girl today. I have a million and one things to do before the 25th, but my priority is to hold my whole world and kiss her little face, tiny toes and hold her hands in mine.

Addie arrived after personal tragedy. She came in the wake of a lost sibling. She brightened my life from the inside. She is my first birth… and what a birth it was! I cannot believe we are going to be celebrating our first Christmas together as a family. I cannot say that I didn’t know love without Addie, as my husband is one of the most selfless, kind and loving people ever, but I didn’t know how my mom never beat me (literally), or disowned me, or turned me over to the state. I didn’t know the love my mom had for me until I had it for someone else.

And so, before we go caroling into the neighborhood (or just try to regain some normalcy), I wanted to celebrate another milestone: 8 months!

She’s growing more beautiful by the day, and she is looking more and more like a child and not my infant. I miss her eyes closing at the simplest movements, but I love how she laughs when we dance. Her gentle sighs have turned into deep breaths and her once small movements have turned into rolling herself into the middle of the bed and pushing Dave and me to opposite ends. She is growing up. And I am so proud of her How silly she is just kicking her feet brings a flutter to my heart:

Just two months ago we celebrated with cake (she didn’t have any) and candles and balloons!

I love that smile… and I love how silly it is to celebrate 6 months. But, in life, the big stuff is just all the little stuff piled together.

Just a few weeks later, it was her first Halloween…

I had asked lots of people to write a letter to Addie, but I’m the only one who did. I think it’s a mom thing, but I want her to know how much I love her- long after I’m not here to tell her:

My Dearest Adelaide,
From the very moment I dreamt of your existence, I felt so in love. Then you were on your way and thought my love could get no deeper. When you first put your head on my chest, my heart stopped. Each and every day I love you more. you are amazing, loving, smart, and so happy! How I got to be so blessed to be chosen by you, I’ll never know.
Happy 6 months!
love,
Mommy

And then she was 7 months…

Next will be 9 months, and then 10. And then, before I know it, she will be walking, talking. Talking back. She will not like me for a while… but I hope she will come back. This brain of mine rattles off ever different circumstance that could pull her away, but she will always be my baby. I hope that I am blessed to be a mother like mine. To love unconditionally and let Addie fly, the way I flew away. But I never went far. I like to sit on the perch, close enough to home, but never back inside. I am encouraged to be on my own, but I know that my mom is always close by, even if that means a 250 mile drive in the wee hours of the morning. Yeah. That’s the kind of mom I want to be.

Happy 8 months to my beautiful baby girl! May you stay forever young at heart! Thank you to God, or whomever is watching over us, for giving me another day. Another milestone. Another month and birthday to celebrate this beautiful baby.