I cannot tell you how much I try to push having a doula. To anyone who asks about birth, the first thing I relay is how much a doula helped me… in my case, doulas. Yep. 2!
I first heard about birth doulas from co-creator of RI New Moms Connection, Kristen Kardos. She herself is a postpartum doula. I decided to attend a Doulas of Rhode Island event (DoRI) to see if it was for me- Dave joined me for the informational session and really opened both our eyes. While I was enamored with having a doula, he liked the idea of placenta encapsulation. Gathering cards and speaking with lots of people, we left with a few interviews to discuss our pending arrival on the books!
There are lots of considerations with what your doula has up her sleeve- I really loved that my team offers everything from photography to massage and encapsulation. Some doulas offer these services or others, and all are accommodating and want to make your experience exactly what you desire (and if you think a c-section mama doesn’t need a doula, trust me, it’s a common misconception). I never say I “hired” a doula, because that is so impersonal. For me, I found friendships in each of the women who came into my home. We laughed, we were serious, we shared, and we listened. In the end, I chose two friends, a team, that welcomed Addie, and I cannot wait for them to help me usher Millie into the world, too.
I wanted to share my favorite ladies in Rhode Island, and encourage those of you out there who are worried about birth to just talk to a few doulas in your area. A doula will come have some tea, a chat, and together you can see if having a doula is right for you- an option I think is invaluable to most women.
Kim is one of my birth doulas. She works with a partner, Erica, together known as Blessed Beginnings, bringing in new life… she’s also a masseuse, does encapsulation for doula clients, and is super high functioning on very little sleep. I first met Kim (and Erica) at a DoRI event in Providence, and fell in love with her infectious smile, warm hug, and genuine love for all things birth. I can remember calling her at 10pm to tell her I thought my water broke, and her immediately giving me the power over what I felt was the best move. In my panic, I wanted to call the doctor- but had called her first… my best action. We discussed how my contractions were, how I felt, how Dave felt and together decided I would stay home, take a walk, have a shower, and eat something light.
Best. Ideas. Ever.
I ended up over 12 hours at home, laboring through the night in my own bed snuggled next to Dave and the dog, and loved it. So peaceful- AND allowed me to get rest. Kim checked in early the next morning- although I knew I could have called her at any time because she was ready. When I spoke to her, she was already heading close to my house and offered to come over, but I knew I was OK with Dave. Her being there gave me strength, and when I was ready to go to the hospital, she gave me lots of tips on the travel there, reminded me to grab my toothbrush, and met us there to be sure triage wasn’t a nightmare…. while I was so comfortable with Kim, I almost forgot to call my doctor to give them a heads up!
Throughout labor Kim was there not just for me, but for Dave, too. Food, drink, a few winks of shut-eye… it’s hard to say, but dads needs some love during labor, too (and it’s not coming from the mamas!). Kim also helped Dave help me- where he could hold or press on my back to relieve some of the discomfort, making sure that I was staying hydrated, and giving him all the towels and sheets he needed when I inevitably threw up.
Most importantly, Kim and Erica read what I needed before I knew, and reminded me that I could do this- no matter how I wanted to proceed. I remained in control because of that reminder. In the end my team got me moved from the smallest to largest labor and delivery room, which gave me access to a private shower, ball, and space for my crew to be (Mom, Dave, Kim, Erica… plus doctors, nurses, etc.).
But… enough about me! I asked Kim a few questions, and she gave me some pretty stellar answers.
Me: What does “doula” mean to you?
Kim: Someone who serves a woman and her family throughout pregnancy/labor/beyond.
Me: What’s your specialty and why did you enter that niche?
Kim: I don’t really feel like I have a specialty, but when I first started, I was totally freaked out about VBACs and really let quite a few mamas down in their time of need because of my fears and feelings of inadequacy regarding it all. One family in particular sit deeply in my memory as a complete failure on my behalf. Once I sat with it and realized that it was fear based, I hunted down evidence based research, I talked to VBAC mama’s and realized that birth is full of fear of both the known and the unknown and I couldn’t bring that into the room with me anymore. It wasn’t my right or privilege to have fear because mama and her family have enough for everyone and that is their right and privilege. My job is to help them voice their concerns and fears and hear them. Once the fear has a name, it’s much easier to confront. Needless to say, I have a large number of VBAC clients and they have a very special space in my heart whether it was “successful” or not because they face their fears head on.
Me: How many births have you attended?
Kim: Somewhere around 70.
Me: Favorite/most anticipated moment about birth… besides the baby!
Kim: Vomit, hormonal shaking and the birth song. I also love the time right after baby is placed on mama’s chest, docs are repairing and cleaning up so they are out of the family’s faces, and the family is close and touching and talking and laughing and whispering and and and perfection. I usually take pictures of this time or sit back and soak it all in usually with tears streaming down my face or a straight up shit eating grin. I’m totally crying and smiling ear to ear just writing this. During this time, I get to witness the hopes, dreams and love that this little one will be surrounded with. His/her welcoming party! Life on earth isn’t easy but when those first few moments are drenched in love and joy and laughter and deep deep soul sentiment it brings such a sense of all being right in the world if even only for a fleeting moment.
Me: Hardest part of your work?
Kim: Hard stuff… Mamas feeling like failures instead of victorious warrior princesses. Care providers that set aside the care part of their work and see this blessed sacred privilege as a job/career/burden/paycheck.
Me: A few words that you feel describe motherhood?
Kim: The most difficult. life changing season of insecurity and humility drenched in adoration, humor and love. All extremes of emotions and feelings, positive and negative, being experienced in the short span of the remainder of life. Ahhhh… motherhood!
Me: What areas do you serve in RI/MA/CT?
Kim: RI mostly but willing to travel out of state in special circumstances.
Me: Your hope for the future of your profession?
Kim: That every woman/family that desires a doula has one: prenatally, during birthing, and postpartumly.
Kim’s love comes out, even in the hardest times. This is my favorite photo from our birth…
To learn more about Blessed Beginnings, check out their website and Facebook!
I think if I had to do it all over again I would have loved a Doula. I had complications and it would have been nice having someone there navigating it with me.
Mary recently posted…Memory Keeping Monday – Kidding Around at Home
I hope you have one, if the time comes for it again!
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
I have heard of a doula, but didn’t actually know what one was. I had my husband with me, but honestly – I didn’t want help (even his). I wanted to do it my way.
I hear that! I loved having a doula to really relay to Dave what I wanted… and give him the encouragement to help me..
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
I would have loved to have a more natural birth with my kids if I had to do it again. My first had to be a c-section due to complications, it was still amazing just not the plan I had in mind 🙂
Jenn recently posted…Tips for Building an Indoor Playhouse
It never is, is it? I’m glad that you still love your birth! That’s so important!
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
I wish I had known about her and doulas when I had my two babies!! She sounds like a true gift!
Joanna {Baby Gators Den} recently posted…BOKS Active Kids Day: fun for the entire family
Kim really is a blessing! (Erica, too!)
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
Wish I Had A Doula When I Was Pregnant, She Sounds Amazing & So Helpful. Congratulations On Your Beautiful Baby, Sounds Like You Made A Friend For Life That’s Awesome!
I did… and I”m so thankful for the opportunity!
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
This is great information. Always nice to have a friendly and super helpful friend around!
AImee Smith recently posted…Beginnings Imagined
Indeed!
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
I’m considering a Doula for my next pregnancy. Sounds like a good experience!
Please do! I cannot tell you how much I loved mine… well, I can 🙂
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
I’ve never needed a doula since birth comes easily to me (lucky, right? But for moms who have a hard time or need support to make it through, doulas are a must!
Janice recently posted…Patriotic Desserts for Independence Day
That is lucky! I’m not sure how this labor will be, but knowing I have someone by my side who knows the deal and has been to the rodeo a few times, is such a comfort to both myself and my husband!
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
I’m a doula, and I love this post. Thank you for spreading the word! (Oh, and when my doula friend and I work a birth together, we call that a “Doulo!”) 🙂 hehe!
Lisa Johnston recently posted…Are you a Cyber Smart Parent? | #MC #CyberTribe #CyberSmart #Sponsored
Oooh! I like your tword! I am totally #teamdoula!
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
I’ve heard of a doula, I’ve heard they are great! Too bad, I’m not having anymore…lol
Raijean recently posted…Macy’s Celebrates the 200th Anniversary of the Star-Spangled Banner
But you made it through! <3
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
I had midwives for both of my births but did not have a doula. I highly recommend natural births whenever possible. Of course, I was lucky in that I had very fast and uncomplicated births. My daughter was an hour and a half. almost had her at home, which I had not planned on!
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Oh wow! I am not accepted by most midwives for my highrisk factor, but I LOVE that I can have a doula who helps me be as natural as possible. It’s such a blessing to be present in the birth!
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
Well I think I am finished with having babies but if I wear my hubby down for another, this sounds like this would just add another great part to the experience.
Carlee C recently posted…“Red, White, and Blue” DIY Patriotic Decorating Made Simple With Oriental Trading!
…you never know 😉
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
Wow, this is a fantastic post. I really had no idea what a doula entailed. What a wonderful support to have for your family!
Shelley recently posted…Giveaway Winners May 2014
She really is!
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
Thanks for the informative post! One of my daughter’s friends is planning to be a doula, and I didn’t really know what it was before now.
That’s so neat- it’s such a selfless profession!
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
I did not know anything about doulas before I read your post! Kim sounds like she was so helpful and calming.
She was… and will be, I’m sure!
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
Very cute baby..love those chubby cheeks. I didn’t even know I had the option of a doula.
Amy Desrosiers recently posted…MOTORWORKS Fuel-N-Shine Station and NGX NextGen Stock Car Review and Giveaway!
I’m glad you can make the decision now, if you have the opportunity!
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
I’ve always wondered what a doula was! Thanks for sharing.
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Thank YOU, for reading!
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
I wished I would have had a doula for my kid’s birth’s. I think it would have been great to have someone there with a lot of experience and who could help keep the experience positive for me. The husband just never knew what to do and therefore sometimes was more of a stress than anything.
Amber Edwards recently posted…Need Graduation Gifts? Top Gifts for Grads at Best Buy! #GreatestGrad
Oh no! Dads try so hard- I hope your experiences were positive, as a whole.
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
I did not have a doula, but I saw a team of 5 midwives throughout my pregnancy, and my daughter was delivered by a midwife. I know a lot of women who have very unpleasant memories of their birthing experiences, but mine was absolutely beautiful. I was in labor, without any medication, for 22 hours, and I also endured 2.5 hours of pushing. I still think it was absolutely beautiful. My midwife and her nurses were so caring and supportive, and they kept me going when I thought I just couldn’t take it anymore. I would recommend a midwife or a doula to any pregnant woman.
Mindy Grant recently posted…10 Ways to Cheer Up a Pregnant Woman
I wish I could have a midwife, but I’m highrisk and none here would take me. My first labor was 30 hours unmedicated and 3 hours of pushing (6 hours after meds for rest)… and I loved it as well! I think you’re right- a midwife and/or doula can certainly make birth a wonderful experience!
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
A good friend of mine had two difficult pregnancies and one very difficult birth. Until this article, I’d never heard of a Doula, but I wish she’d had one!
Please share with her… in case she has anymore babies!
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
What a beautiful photograph! My kids are teenagers & I had never heard of dulas at that point.
Ellen Christian recently posted…Cupcake Jewelry from Lavishy
I think they’re gaining popularity… at least I hope so!
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
This was super informative! I wish I would have had a doula for my son’s birth.
If you plan on more kids, look into one! I promise you won’t regret it! <3
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
I have homebirths, so I already get all that you mentioned with my midwife, I <3 her! But, homebirths aren't for everyone and I totally agree, get a doula!
Janel recently posted…4 Other Uses for Baby Monitors! #VTechSafeandSound #Ad
I WISH I could have a homebirth!!! What an amazing experience!!!!!!!
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
I’ve never heard of a Doula until now. After reading your post, I will definitely be looking into getting one for when me and my boyfriend decide to have a child. It would be wonderful to have someone there with me who is supportive and can help out. Thanks for educating me on what a Doula is. 🙂
Tasha recently posted…Not So Wordless Wednesday – Feeling Accomplished
Good luck to you! <3
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
I had never even heard of a doula when I had my daughter. I love that more natural forms of childbirth are hitting the mainstream!
Jenn @TheRebelChick recently posted…Enter the Pitch Perfect 2 Facebook Contest & Visit the Set! #PitchPerfect2
Me too!
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
I am so happy that all 3 of my daughters are in the area of service for this. I would of enjoyed child birth much more with someone who was understanding what I was feeling. What a blessed birth you had and your baby is just beautiful.
Thanks for sharing.
Laura (Lauras Little House Tips) recently posted…Sourdough Rosemary Sea Salt Cracker Recipe
Thank you!
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
You are a lucky girl! I wish I had a doula when I gave birth to my babies. It wasn’t something I was familiar with, but I’m so inspired by your positive experience. XO
@JackieHennesse1 recently posted…But, Dad…
You’re such a warrior mama <3
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
When my kids were born I did not know anything about doulas. I would have hired one for sure as I love the support they provide.
I’m glad that their services are getting out there now- I wish more mamas had the opportunity, both now and in the past!
martinkadelux recently posted…So… what’s a doula, anyway?
my friend deb had a doula at her youngest’s birth. she is the first person i knew in real life to have one present. what an amazing gift to your family
It truly is!
martinkadelux recently posted…Dear Kate, I have just one more mile…
I’ve never had a doula but one of my friends has used one. I don’t know if it’s for me but I think it’s a great idea that can be beneficial to many women.
Kathleen Garber recently posted…The Lego Movie Blu-ray + Fun App (GIVEAWAY)
You know yourself best! I am so glad to know such strong women who make the decision about what’s best for them! <3
martinkadelux recently posted…Dear Kate, I have just one more mile…
I think it’s so important to have the kind of birth experience that’s right for you. I’m glad you’ve got yours figured out!
Liz Mays recently posted…Let’s Experiment with the Trickles #PoisewithSAM
So true, Liz!
martinkadelux recently posted…Dear Kate, I have just one more mile…
My boys are older. I don’t think they had doulas in my area back when my boys were being born. Sounds like an interesting relationship.
I think more women are coming into the profession, for sure! I know they were not common when my sister, myself or my brothers were born- and we’re all different decades!
martinkadelux recently posted…Dear Kate, I have just one more mile…
I never had any of this all 5 of my kids were c-section. I do not have any regrets only that I may not be able to have a 6th.
Mama to 5 BLessings recently posted…The Lego Movie Fun App & Movie Giveaway! #TheLegoMovie
No Regrets! Certainly the only way to live life! I hope that you can have a 6th!!
martinkadelux recently posted…Dear Kate, I have just one more mile…
My friend’s training to be a doula. Have heard great things about having a doula.
Marina recently posted…20 old-school ways for kids to enjoy summer
That’s so awesome!!
martinkadelux recently posted…Dear Kate, I have just one more mile…
My SIL had a doula and I think she was happy she did. Mid-wives were popular 20 years ago when I had my son and daughter. I didn’t have a mid-wife because I was a high risk pregnancy, but guess who was there during the four hours of pushing – the mid-wife. God bless her. The doc was nowhere to be found. 🙂 lol
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Oh man! That’s a fun memory, though! I love having a doula, but wish I could have a midwife, too.
martinkadelux recently posted…Dear Kate, I have just one more mile…