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Damn it.

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I love all the posts about Facebook and social media in general where we are reminded that what people post are just a glimpse into their day. The perfection we see, even the vacation pictures, one after another, where everyone is smiling… those are just a few. There are surely 100 others of grumpy faces, naptimes avoided, drinks spilled, sand eating, falls. You name it.

But what we share are only the best things. Right?

#aisforadelaide #SOMEDAYS #mostdays #parenting #loveNot for us. Of course there are bad days- medically speaking, and recently an integral part of our team, Addie’s PT left for another position and I’m really frustrated, but there are other times throughout our generally awesome days that suck. You know what happens when I drop a glass and it breaks on the floor? I say, “damn it!”

In fact, this happened, then a few days later Addie tapped a key and deleted my work. Another time she drew all over my leg with a marker and then in a library book with a pen she got from my checkbook (yes, I still balance a checkbook). After each assault on our otherwise awesome days, I came out with a “damn it.” Even under my breath, I knew she’d heard. “Darn it,” I would quickly correct myself.

But there she was. As she grabbed for my keyboard, I said, “NO, thank you,” and she spits back at me, “Damn it.”

Clear as day.

Hooray! I’d done it. I’d taught her one of the things I actually hate about myself. My language. It’s colorful, shall  we say. And as the weeks have passed, we’ve worked more on “darn it” (for both of us), as well as just calming down about situations in general. A broken glass isn’t really a big deal, marker happens, Ctrl+Z can undo whatever you just did- including un-deleting what your toddler has just unwritten!

All of this really struck me as it reminded me of an awesome post my friend Wendy wrote HERE about hugging and not yelling. We can’t erase what we’ve done in the past, but we can certainly move forward. I myself am a yeller. Dave is calm, level-headed, and a problem solver. I am reactive and while I usually find my way, it’s easier for me to scream into a pillow before evaluating any situation- my counterpart does not explode, even into a pillow, and sometimes we just confuse each other. But when it comes to our children and how we want to interact with them and each other, we both agree that I need to find some zen and, in turn, perhaps he’ll find a fire under him in some situations.

Parenting is learning something new every day. #aisforadelaide #parenting #huggingnotyelling

So where are we now?

Well, gosh darn it, I can tell you that there are a lot more hugs around here. Between Dave and I and more peppered throughout the day for Addie, too. I love hugging on her, but there are days that I find myself in such frustration, that we both end up yelling at each other. I have found myself looking up from whatever I am doing (cleaning, setting up, cooking, working) seeing her face and realizing she  just wants me. As I hold my hands out, she rushes into my arms and nestles her head into my neck. Her little voice purrs “I love you” and leaves little kisses on me… we’re both immediately calm. I love that moment- feeling anger and frustration physically leaving my body. Hugging her to get a result of calming the storm instead of yelling, creating a bigger storm and then ending in tears (both of us) and inevitably a hug to calm down. Going right for the hug has been the best move.

I feel like a better parent, damn  it!

Taking time out to be a better mom for my family #aisforadelaide #huggingnotyelling

So, are all parenting moments perfect? Surely not. We have tears and nos and pushing (Addie not us!) and falls. There are days where we’re tired, nights where we’re wired, and everything in between. The moments we don’t share, but we embrace, cringe and learn from are becoming different for us. There are more times of saying “OH NO!” when something unexpected happens- there are discussions about solving issues, help cleaning, and hugs after. Taking the time to not only teach our children, but ourselves, better coping skills, is such an important part of growing up- something we’re never done doing, I suppose.

Hug it Out #aisforadelaide #parenting #hugitout

So here’s a glimpse into our life- the not-so-pretty and certainly non-worthy of a Facebook status update, glimpse.

How have you grown with your children? Have you thought about hugging and not yelling? What did you accidentally teach your child?

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Comments

  1. Life is messy and imperfect, and life with kids even more so. I’ve let the occasional colorful epithet fly too, and immediately feel embarrassed when the Pooh repeats it just as Addy did. Thanks for the shout-out, chica. Hope you found it helpful. I use the technique a lot (not 100% of the time) and it does seem to help calm everyone down.
    Wendy Maldonado D’Amico recently posted…Yes, I can.My Profile

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  4. You know, being a parent doesn’t make anyone perfect. Just because you have kids doesn’t mean you don’t get frustrated, and it doesn’t mean you magically say everything that you should or shouldn’t. The great thing about parenting is that as long as you love your kids, it all works out in the end.
    Jennifer recently posted…12 Fruity Summer Dessert RecipesMy Profile

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  8. Great post, Chelley. I, too, am a yeller – and I hate that about myself. But I’ve been working hard the past year to do just what you described — pause. Hug it out. Realize that they are just kids. That my frustration is probably just as much with me as with them. Thanks for sharing – I try to be sure I don’t only post the good on social media, because I feel like people feel supported when they realize that it’s not all puppies and rainbows for others. xoxo
    Michele C. recently posted…Finding My Summer Lawyer StyleMy Profile

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  12. I remember the first time my oldest said “damn it” back to me – and used it correctly. I was horrified. He was so little and from that moment on, I watched what I said in front of the kids because they really do listen and take everything in.

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  13. Great post. Children really seem to learn the things we don’t want them to. It was so important for me to remember that little eyes were always watching.

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  14. Ha, ha, ha… that has happened to all of us at one point or another, ha! My MIL is notorious for screaming “Shut Up’ at the dogs… guess what my kids now say??? YUP! Ha! Thanks for bringing us into your day

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    • That means a lot, thank you! I hope I’ve reached a turning point, although I know when I am not around my daughter I let it fly… I think this just needs to change all together, but that’s a whole other story!
      martinkadelux recently posted…Damn it.My Profile

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  17. I love this post! There is nothing better than a hug and kiss from your child and hearing them say I Love You.

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  22. I am definitely going to have to watch my language around B2 as he gets older! Eek. Neither Brian nor I are yellers, but I definitely stay mad a lot longer than he does. He is usually the one to come hug it out with me first if we get into an argument. It does make a big difference. 🙂

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