Dear Adelaide,
Tonight, you wouldn’t fall asleep. At 9:58pm, you tossed and turned, coughing and whimpering. My heart ached as I yearned to hold you, knowing that would only keep you awake. Instead I worked.
And then I got this crazy idea.
I would give some of the baby bedding you no longer use to a friend who is having a baby girl soon. After-all, you only need your sheets and blanket, and her baby bedding is so similar to your own… I was so excited when I pitched the idea to her. Your crib bumper, diaper hanger, and laundry basket (which has been replaced with one more suitable for riding in- one of your favorite things to do)… I gathered them all up, and I put them together- ready to go. To go.
To go.
They’re leaving me.
The beautiful tea roses I chose so carefully for you. My first born. Those items are a part of my baby, a part of me growing up. They are you. Or they were a part of you, before you started growing up. They’re unneeded, but never unwanted.
I packed them up and they are leaving my hands, just like your childhood. Slipping away are the moments where I can comfort you with any success, and you just want to do it yourself. I never knew the last day would come that you would declare yourself unwanting of a diaper. I never know I would miss your fluffy butt running around the house. Or, like your last night in the crib, that your toddler bed would not accommodate a bed skirt. That beautiful skirting your Mima washed and dried… which shred it to pieces, leaving the two of us running to Target for a replacement. You see, Addie, the bedding had been discontinued, but I knew it was the right bedding for you. It was beautiful and feminine, but not overtly pink or childish. It reminded me of a tea party, with sweet roses and green grass. Of a girl who would… who would be is you. So we called stores and asked them to check the shelves for this tea rose crib skirt. And your Mima finally found it. She shipped it up to me. Your room was ready weeks before you arrived and months before you ever slept in it. But it was your room. For my first baby. For you.
You. All of you. You are mine, and yet I have to give you over to yourself. To be Adelaide Eileen, and all that entails.
I will miss that bedding. Those roses I so gently chose for you, through glowing hopes and dreams and a growing belly. I chose you, as much as you chose me.
So it just happened that tonight, Dear Adelaide… I got a crazy idea. I packed up your things, and I put them together, ready to go. To go.
Then, I crept into your room, and I sat next to your bed… a bed we were given by a friend, and I imagined she may have sat and wept, too, as her daughter once slept in the same small space, knowing it was ending. That stage had come to a close and the last day chose us, before we even had a say.
I came back to my desk and I sat to write… and it is raw, and the tears are hot. But I let you sleep. Because you don’t need me right now- you need your dreams. So dream, my child. My dear Adelaide, for you are my dream, and I once slept as you do now, may you one day know the elation and pain motherhood can bring.
Always loving you,
mom
How selfhood begins with a walking away,
And love is proved in the letting go.
C Day Lewis
(Not easy!)
<3
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Tonight, Dear Adelaide
This literally moved me to tears. It might be the pregnancy hormones, but I know this will be me soon enough. All the baby things I’ve grasped, held onto since my first baby in order to use for my last will be getting their final use in the next few years and I know saying good-bye, letting go, will not be any easier for me than it has been for you!
Melissa Roy recently posted…Kids and Birth?
It really is so hard… they grow up before your eyes, but still it seems like we miss things!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Dear Camille
That is so beautiful. It’s the most amazing thing to watch our little ones grow. It’s also sad and horrifying at times.
Melissa Pezza recently posted…Saturday Top Five Laughs- Come Join Our Blog Hop!
So true!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Dear Camille
Well, thanks for making the big hairy guy cry like a baby! My nephew is 13, and I’ve been the first and most constant father figure in his life. At least once a day, he does or says something that makes me see what a great young man he’s turning into, and all I can hear is “Cats in the Cradle” running through my head. I love it and I hate it all at the same time.
Ben, me too!!!! That is my children are growing up too fast song!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Dear Camille
What a sweet post. I dread this day when I have to do this with my baby’s items. It is so hard to let go.
Mama to 5 BLessings recently posted…Disney Tween Fam Blogger Event #WDWBigFun
I want more more more… then I’ll never not have a baby! Right?
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Dear Camille
Beautifully written. Touch and gentle words. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for reading, Gema!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Dear Camille
This is just soo sweet, a very touching post! I have tears in my eyes, you are an amazing momma!
Jenn recently posted…HomeRight SteamMachine Plus Giveaway
Thank you, Jenn!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Dear Camille
Getting rid of things that you specifically chose for your first born is definitely hard. I remember getting rid of some of my son’s things because he didn’t use them anymore and they were just taking up space. It was certainly a hard decision, but now with baby #2 on the way, I get to choose new stuff! That’s exciting!
We passed on everything we could, but some things have to go to friends who could use them, especially bedding Millie already has. New is always fun!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Dear Camille
Lovely post! I’ve been packing away some of my baby’s things that he’s outgrown and it’s such a bittersweet feeling.
Jemma recently posted…Cooking with Marley Spoon
It really is!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Dear Camille
It is so hard to let our kids grow up and hard to let go of the things they had when they were young. I still have everything from when my daughter was a baby because I haven’t been able to let go. Even though she is turning 6 this year.
Letting go is hard and it takes a lot of strength to realize our little ones grow up so fast, and being able to realize it and allow them to grow up.
Amber Edwards recently posted…Rainbow Cake Tutorial plus Sweetworks Cake My Day Giveaway!
We are hoping to move this year… I cannot imagine the tears that will fall. This is where we brought the girls home! I wonder if we can just take the house 😉
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Dear Camille
What a beautiful post, it definitely pulled at the heart strings. Thanks so much for sharing this!
Amanda recently posted…Walking the Red Carpet at The World Premiere of Cinderella: Tales from The El Capitan Theatre #CinderellaEvent
Thank you for reading, Amanda!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Dear Camille
Beautiful post. We are getting ready to move from the only home my two kids have known. The home I brought our babies home to, I am having a hard time with it.
Aimee Smith recently posted…10 Fashion Hacks and Tips
OH MY GOSH, US TOO! It’s so hard!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Dear Camille
It is a very bittersweet feeling to watch as your children grow! This is such a sweet post!
It really is. Thank you, Autumn!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Dear Camille
This was so sweet and yes, it goes by too fast. My oldest will be 11 this year. ELEVEN! How did that happen?
RIGHT?! Double digits sounds scary!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Dear Camille
This makes me so sad too! Our children out growing up and needing us less, and less..it hurts!
Right?! It really does feel like a physical pain sometimes!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Dear Camille
Awe, so sweet! I remember this all too well, it’s happened many times. What to keep? What to not keep? I did keep the baby bedding though. 😉
Tammi @ My Organized Chaos recently posted…Strawberry Stuffed French Toast
I am keeping the blanket, but other things is just too much for me- no room for it all!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Dear Camille
This is such an amazing post. It’s so sad that our kids grow up so fast. I have two daughters and it seems as if every day they grow so much more. I’m not ready for them to grow up yet.
My two ladies are growing too fast, for sure!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Dear Camille
Every stage ending is so hard…..and sometimes you don’t even realize they are ending til they are gone. 🙁 ((HUGS))
Debra @A Frugal Friend recently posted…T-Mobile is Changing Prepaid Wireless – Introducing Simply Prepaid! #ChangingPrepaid
Yes- this exactly!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Dear Camille
It is hard to give up physical items that we attach important memories to. I have a baby box for each of more four that I put their most special items in (all the way up to their first driving permit). 😉
Rosey recently posted…Coming to Wharton Center: Phantom of the Opera
That is awesome! I need a box… right now, I’m thinking a chest for each girl. She can keep it stored- but large enough to hold everything from baby blanket to first shoes and stuffed animals!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Dear Camille
Awww that was truly beautiful. It’s hard to see them grow, but also just so amazing.
Christine recently posted…Must Have Books For Spring
It really is amazing!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Dear Camille
Aww, this is soo sweet. I know that feeling all to well. You take a moment to blink, and they’re in a whole new stage of life!
Sarah @ Must Have Mom recently posted…Sofia the First: The Curse of Princess Ivy On DVD Now (+ Giveaway!)
YES!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Dear Camille
What a beautiful post!!!! I loved it so moving
Mommy2jam recently posted…I did it I joined Weight Watchers
Thank you!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Dear Camille