Motherhood is a war.
We’ve waged it on our mothers, as we grow into adorable tiny-tyrants, then impossible tweens, almost breaking them during our teenage years, and coming back to apologize for it sometime after we’ve drained them of all of their emotional resources.
We’ve waged it on ourselves, cramming a certain number of children into a certain age range for whatever is deemed appropriate for the decade we’re in during our designated childbearing years.
We’ve waged it on our children with tests and numbers. Charts and expectations that some doctor with the same name as a Star Trek science officer once wrote down in a book.
But here’s the thing, Dr. Spock. All the babies want is to be loved. To be nurtured. To sleep, eat and poop.
And so, I feed all the babies.
I feed a baby who is adopted.
A baby who won’t sleep through the night.
A baby of a sick mother.
A baby of a surrogate.
A baby who needs more milk.
And Millie. I feed her too.
I feed babies who fit into spaces I’ve never been. Children who were born a different race, gender and religion than my own.
And thus, I’ve fed the mothers.
I’ve given comfort to a mother who could not give her own.
Sleep to a mother who was breaking.
Peace to a mother who was dying.
A blessing to a mother who was trying.
Nourishment to a mother who felt she was failing.
And yet the self-doubt that I have screams so loud you can almost hear it. *pause* There it is now.
It’s what suddenly filled the parts of me that were born with motherhood. Something awakened in me that I didn’t know could be there before. At one point, I was able to feed, dress and entertain myself, and the next moment, I wondered how I could ever sustain another life. How would I prepare these beings I’d created? Would I be right in my actions. In my motherhood.
Would I do motherhood right?
Oh, motherhood.
It’s a war we’ve waged since we were born. Against our own mothers and all of their faults, against ourselves and all of our faults, against our children and all the faults we blame ourselves for creating.
And in the midst of this awful mix of blame and faulting- the worries of doing it right and wrong- all the babies just want to be fed.
Motherhood is a war we’ve waged on our bodies, our partners, our children, and worst of all other mothers. It’s a contest of who’s read what, and which method is trending today. And instead of the children, society has made it about us, with the babies being poster children for what “Insert Parent-Type here” looks like. Does your child sleep through the night, wear bigger clothes, eat solids, say 2-word phrases, clap hands, have rosy cheeks? Are you doing it right? Does your child act the way Spock, Karp, Ferber, van de Rijt and Plooij say they should? …all of whom have sold more than a million books which contradict each other.
Somewhere along the line motherhood became more than myself, even more than my own children. It became about the simple act of mothering. To care for, nurture and feed all the babies.
This post was prompted by the amount of disdain I’ve received from other women, some other mothers, who disagree with milk donation. Since Adelaide’s birth, I have donated over 7,000 ounces of breastmilk. I will continue to pump for babies other than my own for as long as I can because I can. I hate the pump. I love the babies. #feedallthebabies
HERE is another article I think you will like.
I am amazed and humbled by what you are doing. I wish I had done it, I wish I had been able to think outside myself when I had my babies. I am grateful that I know it is ok that I didn’t, because that is who I was as a mom then. And that is ok.
Melendy recently posted…My hair…Week 16 A4A52week
You are amazing- duh!
p.s. Miss you.
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Feed all the Babies
I am a mother of 3 and grandmother to 4 and I want you to know that that is a wonderful article.I am so proud that you are doing what you think is right.I love seeing the pictures of you nursing Millie :)…by the way- both of your girls are beautiful.
I nursed my youngest for 17 months and oh how I wished I had done so with his brother and sister.My daughter nursed her 2 as best she could.She would pump at work at least 3 times a day and would be lucky if she collected 3 oz total.She managed to get to Fiona’s first birthday and to get Gabriel to eight months.She would be so proud of you for doing what you are doing too because she knows what a struggle it is for some mothers.
Wishing you and your family the absolute best.Keep standing up for what you believe in.I have a feeling that you have many behind you just like me :).You GO Girl!!!
Thank you so much! You and your daughter sound like amazing women!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Feed all the Babies
As a mom of twins that had to spend 15 days in the NICU and be supplemented by donor milk, Thank you! I’ve never really thought about it until we had to make the decision on what to supplement with if needed during their stay… Those who have their “opinions” might have a different outlook if they were the ones needing the milk during a trying time!
I’m so glad you were able to get donor milk!!!! Lots of love to you!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Feed all the Babies
I think it’s awesome that you can do that. I was a formula feeding mom, so I always had food for my guys.
Amen, mama!!! <3
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Feed all the Babies
I don’t understand the disdain. I think that what you are doing is a wonderful thing. Thank you!
I’ve heard people think it’s gross- just a difference of opinion. 🙁
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Feed all the Babies
And thank you!!
I’ve always wanted to do this. It is a shame I never had the chance.
It’s incredible to know you’re sustaining life!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Feed all the Babies
What a selfless act of generosity and kindness. You are my hero!
Thank you so much!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Feed all the Babies
I actually love the idea and think that you are very selfless for doing such a wonderful service for women who can’t feed their own babies for one reason or another. You are helping to save lives in my opinion.
Dee Mauser recently posted…Paddington now on Blu-Ray + DVD
<3
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Feed all the Babies
That’s great what you’re doing! I honestly know nothing of this, not ever having children- but it was a very informative post.
I had no idea, before kids, what went into motherhood. It’s intense!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Feed all the Babies
That is so awesome! I wasn’t able to breastfeed, nothing we tried would produce, so I would have totally taken donations.
Tammi @ My Organized Chaos recently posted…Get GLAD This Spring! {Prize Pack Giveaway}
I wish we’d met at that time!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Feed all the Babies
I love this! How lovely it is. Once my 2nd child is born, if I’m able to provide more than the baby needs I’m hoping to find somewhere or someone who can use the extra milk. It’s such a blessing to be able to help someone in need, especially another hard working mother.
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Human Milk for Human Babies and Eats on Feets can help connect you!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Feed all the Babies
I am stunned at the stupidity of other people, especially mothers, who would think what you are doing is wrong somehow. I applaud you, as I always do, for your forward thinking, always of others. Keep doing what you are doing Chelley!
Kelly Hutchinson recently posted…Why Kids Lie and What You Should Do About It #StreamTeam
Thank you so much,Kelly!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Feed all the Babies
Wow, what a kind act of service! I am a mass milk producer…I’ve never even thought about donating my milk. What a good idea.
Meagan recently posted…Tips for Cleaning When Pregnant
Go for it!!!! #feedallthebabies
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Feed all the Babies
This is very beautiful for you to do and I can not comprehend why anyone would be against this. Thank you for providing milk to other babies.
Thank YOU for your support!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Feed all the Babies
Love you and your dedication to feeding all the babies. When I learned I had an over production issue, a few people tried to tell me about donating my extra milk. I was scared and didn’t know enough about it.
I’ve learned so much and will think about it now with my second baby! Thank you for feeding these lovely children.
Mary recently posted…Taking Care of Our Furry Family Members
It’s hard to decipher all the info out there!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…Feed all the Babies
You are an amazing person! What a great thing you are doing for these babies.
Thank you so much!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…#UnscriptedBeauty is everywhere
Wonderful post! I have that love/hate relationship with the pump. I had 3 preemies, and pumped for hours, days & months. I had a freezer full of extra milk that I wish I could have donated to someone, but there wasn’t an option at the time. Keep it up!
The pump… I think it’s the thing we mamas love to hate!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…#UnscriptedBeauty is everywhere
You are really amazing for donating like that. I had to stop breastfeeding my baby earlier than I wanted to due to medical complications post delivery. I would have gladly appreciated donated breast milk.
Allie D. recently posted…Upholstered DIY Bench for Kids
That is so hard- I’m sorry to hear that, Allie!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…#UnscriptedBeauty is everywhere
I think it is amazing that you donate your breast milk. I breastfed both of my kids and loved it. I wish i had of known about milk donation back then. I would have gladly donated my milk.
I am so glad to be getting the word out- I hear so many people don’t know they can donate!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…#UnscriptedBeauty is everywhere
This is amazing! I wish I was able to feed my own for more than four months as this is one of the best feelings in the whole world: breastfeeding. To take it to another level and donate your milk is simply amazing. Thank you for sharing this and my prayers are with you to continue as long as God provides you with this gift!
Martine – MeUnfinished recently posted…Fueling Love – The Romance Dinner
Thank you so much, Martine.
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…#UnscriptedBeauty is everywhere
I think when people think of donations, they forget about breast milk. This type of donation is very important too!
I think so, too!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…#UnscriptedBeauty is everywhere
This is a very kind gesture. The world needs more people like you.
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Awe, thanks, Jenny!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…#UnscriptedBeauty is everywhere
Wow, this is inspiring. What a great thing to do. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you! I feel like it’s important to remember we all have gifts- all donations are important in life… time, money and milk!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…#UnscriptedBeauty is everywhere
I love what you are doing! What a beautiful act of kindness. If I could have done this too, I surely would have.
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<3
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…#UnscriptedBeauty is everywhere
I think this is amazing! You are so generous and selfless!
I love my milk babies <3
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…#UnscriptedBeauty is everywhere
My mom used to make so much milk that she had to pump and donate. Back then there was something called the La Leche League or something.
There is still LLL! I am not sure they do milk donation anymore- but that is SO awesome of your mama!!! <3
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…#UnscriptedBeauty is everywhere
You are an amazing woman. What you do is a real noble act and sacrifice.
<3
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…#UnscriptedBeauty is everywhere
i used a donor for my youngest because I couldn’t produce enough. i am in her debt, can never repay her for what she gave us!
I am sure she loves your child like her own- I know I love my babies that way <3
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…#UnscriptedBeauty is everywhere
As a mother who could never breast feed, what you do is amazing!! Thank you for all you have done for the babies who need to eat!
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Thanks, mama!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…#UnscriptedBeauty is everywhere
You have a beautiful and kind heart. May God bless you and your family more. This is so amazing. I have never done this when my babies were young though they were both breastfed babies. Breast milk is the best milk to give to any babies in my humble opinion.
I definitely think it is a choice, but I think if you can’t make enough of your own, having the option of donor milk is so wonderful. I am so glad to have met the families I have through donating. Such wonderful people!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…#UnscriptedBeauty is everywhere
I think it is great that you have committed to feeding all the babies. It takes a special kind of person to go above and beyond helping people, and I think you are #1!
Thank you, Amy <3
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…#UnscriptedBeauty is everywhere