It’s what no one talks about, what no one admits to and what so many moms suffer from in silence.
Postpartum depression.
I had normal postpartum blues after having Elijah, I also had some sadness after weaning him around 8 months, but I never had any postpartum depression after having him.
I had trouble getting excited when first finding out I was pregnant with Lorelei beside she was not planned. After I had her it was such a nonstop whirlwind of appointments and tests and so much worry and concern I never felt that instant in love, obsessed feeling that I had with Elijah. I love her with everything inside of me, I just feel like I haven’t bonded with her like I want to.
An awakening:
Around a month ago it finally hit me, I think I have postpartum depression. Something that no one wants to admit.
I was so sleep deprived and emotionally, mentally and physically exhausted. I was crying over everything and nothing. I’d forget to shower for days or forget if I had brushed my teeth. I was never hungry, so I just didn’t eat. I finally admitted it to myself and to my husband. I have postpartum depression and I think I need help.
Two weeks ago I started seeing a therapist and once I said out loud all of the things I had been feeling I realized just how far I had let it get.
We came up with a plan, try and sleep 2 nights of 4 hour blocks of sleep in a week and try and eat breakfast every morning. So even when I’m not hungry, I make myself a protein shake and I try and go to sleep when the kids go to bed on my nights off.
I also hired someone to clean the house. I felt guilty for doing that, like I should be able to clean my own house, but I let those feelings go and I allowed myself to hire someone. They came today for the first time and I took the kids out to play while the house was getting cleaned. We came home and the house looked and smelled so clean. I was able to spend the day with kids and not feel like I “should be” doing something else . I was so relaxed and it feels so good to have our house organized and clean.
There is hope.
I can handle this postpartum depression and move past it, I WILL come out a stronger woman and a better mother.
Postpartum depression is not something any woman should be ashamed of, as a society we need to be more supportive of moms and as women we need to be more supportive of each other. Being a mom is hard, being a mom of two is tougher than I expected and being a mom to a preemie with medical issues and who doesn’t sleep is the hardest fucking thing I’ve ever had to do but I can do this.
My kids deserve me at my best and I will get there. I don’t want them to see me sad or unmotivated.
Admitting something needs to change is the first step, taking steps to make the change is the second step.
I can do this and if you are going through it, you can too.
Guest post by Emily Torres.
Rhode Island mama to two, she shares her relatable piece about postpartum depression in hopes of helping another mother and family through their own difficult time.
Such a touching article. I have suffered with postpartum depression with both of my babies. I think it’s so important to be aware that you aren’t alone and there are so many resources to help!
So true!
When my first daughter was born I suffered with a mild case of PPD. I would cry for everything and sometimes wanted little to do with my first born child. I am so thankful it resolved on its own.
Me too!
This must have been so hard to go through. I cannot imagine. It’s good that you took care of yourself through it all. That’s so important.
Strong mama!
I don’t think that I actually had this with either of my children. Sadly I didn’t get to take home my first child til she was about ten days old. I know PPD can be very hard too. Good thing there are a lot of others out there to help each other out with this too.
That must have been so hard.
It really is sad the stigma attached to post partum depression! It sounds like you are on the right track, glad you got help and have a plan to help your self.
Thank you!
You know, I didn’t have PPD, but I know that I struggled a bit when I didn’t bond with my last baby as much as I did the other two. Thankfully, I was able to pop right out of it, but I can’t imagine life if I couldn’t… Thank you so much for sharing your story with us
I can imagine bonding with all babies is different, but different can definitely be scary!
I think a lot of women feel it is shameful to feel those ways and to accept post partum so it’s wonderfully brave of you to embrace this head on and tackle such a real hurdle. Best wishes to you and your family as you find yourself again.
<3
I’m glad you were able to get help with your postpartum depression. Sometimes it is hard to admit that is what the problem is. Thank you for sharing your personal story.
That first step of admission is hard, for sure.
I know a lot of women have PPD but feel ashamed to share it! Loved this post!
She’s an amazingly brave mama!
Thanks for sharing your story, Emily! It takes a strong mom to admit you need help. I hope that the therapy and everything else helps you continue to heal.
She’s amazing and brave!
I faced postpartum with my second child. You are strong and you’ve got this!
Emily is!
I had post partum depression with both of my children. The first time was really scary. I did not know what was wrong with me. It is so good to let other moms know that they are not alone.
community is so needed.
I know a lot of women that suffered this when they had their child. Its sad and breaks my heart when I hear about.
Mine, as well.
This is one of the worst times about having a child. I had a bit of it and really had no idea how to deal with it, not sure what was happening. Luckily it wasn’t severe. Glad you got help.
I’m glad your struggle wasn’t terrible!
My Sister had postpartum depression after her first born. It took a while for us to realize it was what she had. It is so important for family to know the signs.
She is lucky to have family that saw and understood the signs!