We left home, after I’d shoveled dinner down my throat, at 6pm on the dot. With GPS in hand, I ventured onto 95north and made our way to Boston Children’s Hospital. We had great directions, and after one extra trip around the block and an illegal U-turn, we made it to the parking garage.
Armed with the diaper bag, and overnight bag and the tote pump, we headed into the hospital. On the way, Addie practiced for her sleep study!
We got checked in, I got my fancy badge and we headed to the 9th floor.
We waited for a few minutes and we were escorted to our room for the evening. Addie was all smiles as the nurse and tech made coos at her.
Her blood pressure was high, so I’m concerned about that- more things to make my mind race- but she was looking great, otherwise, and was ready to be hooked up. And so, it began.
As she got her head wrapped to avoid pulling her wires off, she was so upset. My stomach began to turn and my eyes were hot from the tears behind them.
I kissed my baby girl and let her slip into dream land.
But, she did fall asleep… and then she didn’t.
From 3am-5:30am she was up and down all night, and it broke me in half knowing that all she wanted was to be held. I tried to pick her up, but she just screamed. Her head was hot, her feet were cold, and she couldn’t breathe properly with all the tubing up her nose and the gauze around her face. She was wrapped up so tight that she could barely open her eyes.
I felt awful. She was so uncomfortable, and knowing that if I had asked she could have slept in the bed with me makes me so sad she had to do this alone.
It’s scary to watch your child sleep when you’re looking for things to be wrong. Her legs move in her sleep. Is that bad? Sometimes she holds her breath in frustration- with the wires- but I don’t think she normally does that. She kept fussing, which she doesn’t do at home. She sighed in her sleep. Is she OK? Is that normal? My head was screaming with what-ifs, and what was that thoughts. And my little love was hooked up to a million wires and wrapped up like a mummy. And this muommy didn’t like it!
I ended up on my knees on the big bed, leaning the top half of my body onto the crib and holding her hand so she knew I was there. I was awake from 3am and held her hand while I pumped her morning bottle, since nursing her was out of the question- we had to be out by 7!
She was happy once all of her stuff was off, and she was smiling, regardless of being a sticky, matted mess. Her little face was broken out from the gel and pads, but she was free!!!!
I made it to 93south without directions or GPS and was so excited to be on the road home. She slept a little bit, but with the traffic so stop-and-go, she couldn’t get totally comfortable.
At home, she passed out cold on the bed, and there she stayed for a few hours. I have a lot on my mind- why the high blood pressure, what will her study reveal (if anything)… and how do I get the gel out of her hair!? Sleep study nights are not my favorite, but we survived our first one, and I am so proud of my buggah for being such a trooper.