Do it Ugly

A while back I saw this meme:

It seemed so fitting that I literally cried when I saw it. I’m not sure if the salty tears were being shed in bitter distaste, or with relief that someone out there got it, but either way, I quickly saved it and have it printed near my desk.

It reminds me. Do it ugly.

Ugly? Yes.

I don’t go into my ankles, I get waist deep. I get dirty and cut and go full-throttle. No one asks who Chelley is… I’m usually known for something, and it’s not always awesome. I grew up Jess’ little sister, but I was bound to unmake that name, and it was impossible to miss me as I grew older. I got louder, I would sneak out- but want my mom to know, I smoked cigarettes, I played a lot of sports and I was rough when I did it, I got injured a lot, I suffered from depression, I liked a good party and I liked to study so much I graduated college with a 3.5 GPA in 3 years flat. I got tattooed. And then got some more. I got dermal anchors when they were not a trend. I dated- I over committed to people that needed “saving” and after they were saved and I’d spent every last energy on their well being, I moved on. I broke hearts, I moved a lot, I did a lot of jobs and I did them well.

And then I found a lion tamer, and I was married. A wife.

Then we wanted a family, so we searched high and low for Carter.

Then she came. The reason I got all riled up again. My reason for getting my hands dirty, for rolling up my sleeves and spending late hours burning the midnight oil (literally… we have oil heat).

I knew that everything I did from the moment I heard her cry would be things she would be proud of. I would work hard, and when she was diagnosed, I knew I would work harder than I’d ever imagined. I would raise her to be generous, dignified and tough. A woman who could do whatever she pleased, whether in jeans or a skirt, at a bar watching the game or in the courtroom arguing her case. With my biggest dream being a world that truly sees no difference between Addie and any other person and recognizing her disability as something about her, not something that defines her. I spent close to 2 full days bringing her into the world… and I will give my life to give her dreams so big that she never knows what the ground looks like with her eyes closed.

Most of my days are beautiful- I work hard to make sure they are. And everything in life that feels like it’s too much is all the more reason to get in there. To do it ugly. Everyday shouldn’t be a fight, or a struggle… but it needs to be worth it when it is. Remember to go hard- Life is your one shot- make it what you want… and don’t let anyone stifle your dreams.

Just to make you laugh… Women get it done- even if we get it done ‘ugly’.