Photo by Lisa Gendron, Agroterra Photography
There are some things that just boil the blood. For the most part, while I don’t agree with “teaching thick skin” to my kids, I do force myself to toughen up. But… there’s always a but.
If anyone who reads this blog thinks that Survival of the Fittest is something that doesn’t apply to my child, that her medical treatment isn’t something that should be covered, I have a few concerns about your fitness level. I question your ability to survive. I wonder, if the application of survival of the fittest should apply, why are you not dead?
From behind the “safety” of your IP address (guess what, that’s NOT hiding your identity), you’ve sent emails about how my insurance should continue to fight me because if my child was not different (I will never repeat your words), she wouldn’t be a financial burden to the insurance system. How I put her through life. A barrage of your friends agree with you- that’s why you feel you can write to me in such a manner. So I ask you a few questions.
How many people from behind their LCD screens, reading these very words just took a medication? Something as innocent as Tylenol or ED meds (which can be a sign of needing to see a cardiologist). Maybe something serious like blood thinners or insulin? Have you needed a blood transfusion? Ever had pneumonia? Have you broken a bone? Did you know you could die from an infection if a broken bone is left untreated? Now, how many of you also have children that are not fit enough to survive?
Survival of the fittest is not about surviving because you’re the fittest, it’s surviving all of the things that come your way. They are what make you “fit”. Fit to survive.
The 7,000+ members of the LPA who strive for awareness. Those people who have gone through and the parents who continue to push through surgeries, while groups band together for support and love- an outpouring of strangers who become family. I don’t think my daughter is amazing because she has a form of dwarfism. I think she is amazing because she’s taught me more about humility and humanity. And humanity is kindness. And those who are kind, survive.
Kindness is to love, but not blindly. To lead, but know how to follow. To not fear the unknown, but those who do not seek to know. The strong, but not the tyrannical.
Survival of the fittest… those who surround themselves with who and what they need. Who will support them and who they support in return (support does not mean agree with). Who adapt society to them, adapt themselves when they can’t, and create change to improve the world. Yes. The world. Those who survive, are the kind.
<3 I just wanna cry … Wish I could take away all the hurt from you and your – and our own – "little" ones.
There is hurt, but I am so blessed that there is SO much good, too!
martinkadelux recently posted…Survival of the Fittest
A civil and intelligent response to a flat-out troll. Honestly, I don’t know how you stay sane with the things people say to you and about Addie. You live life with a tremendous amount of grace. I’m sorry that people feel as if they have license to write such hateful things to you.
Big hugs.
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Who said I was sane 😉
martinkadelux recently posted…Survival of the Fittest
Chelley, I say this respectfully because I enjoy your blog very much. I in no way agree with what this person wrote…I think it’s pretty crazy actually. But if you make your opinions known on a public blog, people will disagree. One hopes that they could do it with intelligence and civility, and not fall into cheap harassment.
One thing I’ll say is that I’ve seen things you’ve written on public forums than some may consider less than kind, particularly about women who choose to terminate pregnancies.
Blogs are strange that way–the blogger speaks publicly, but the readers are expected to reply with politeness as though they are guests at the dinner table. I’d happily take up the discussion with your commenter there publicly…I’d have quite a few things to say in response to his complaints–go on and post where we all can see you. Then at least it’s a fair, open discussion.
In response to my opinions, no, I do not support terminating pregnancies for myself. And I simply don’t support the medical community telling women that they are “necessary” because a child will have a terrible life. That is not a medical opinion. That is a personal one, and doctors have an obligation to not be personal. I hope that my opinions have been voiced in a way that are not “mean”, even if they are blunt.
Beyond that, I don’t expect people to agree with me, or even be polite, but when someone tells me that my child should be left to die, I will respond in as civil a manner as possible. As a parent, as an educator- there is reason to say something. There is reason to say, “Don’t say that to me.” And to show people that there is a greater need to awareness because there are people who think that our kids should be dead. I do not post their information because I don’t think I legally should. If they want to hide, cower, and message me privately, I will respond publicly (I do not respond to those emails) to let every reader know: No human should be left to die.
Everyone has moments of being “less than kind”. It’s just how humans are- we often push for how we feel, because we are biased to our own beliefs, but I would never place myself in a category of telling a parent their child should not be allowed to live- that surgeries that will save and better their lives should be avoided. That is never me.
martinkadelux recently posted…Survival of the Fittest
To clarify, I didn’t mean that you should post their info! I was inviting THEM to post where others have a chance to respond.
Oh I know, love! There have been a few others who have been sent emails, which makes me sad. I hope that this person(s) steps up, but I think it’s the anonymity that allows people to say such awful things.
martinkadelux recently posted…Survival of the Fittest
I am very sad for this person, that they have such a bleak worldview. They must be very lonely. They must be coming from a place of great hurt and unhappiness, to lash out at a child, and to spend so much time writing and concerning themselves with other people’s lives. I am sorry for them.
It’s a pathetic situation, indeed. But I hope that by sharing such views, we can all work harder to spread love, awareness and kindness. We can all learn to be the fittest!
martinkadelux recently posted…Survival of the Fittest
YES! 😀
I almost can’t believe someone said that to you. There are so many insensitive, ignorant people out there and your response was very classy!
Thank you, mama. I really just hope more people see the love that our babies have- ALL children have… and that educating and advocating CAN change the world’s view. Or at least I hope some people.
martinkadelux recently posted…Survival of the Fittest
You’re absolutely right on in this post. And while I doubt you need to hear it, I think you addressed this issue with tact.
P.S. Your daughter is absolutely beautiful and so so strong. I can’t imagine the hurdles she’s had to cross so far and will continue to cross as a LP, but I suspect she’ll do just fine with you cheering her on 🙂 I look forward to seeing her sweet smiling face in future blog posts.
Thank you so much, Danielle.
martinkadelux recently posted…Survival of the Fittest
I really cannot believe anyone would have the lack of compassion to even dare question your child’s right to medical care. She is not a burden to society but a blessing from God. She was created to make a difference. I already can see that you, as her mom are making that much needed difference. You have already educated me so much, and I appreciate it. You don’t even have to explain yourself. You little girl is a girl, and a beautiful one at that..no further explanation. People ought to be ashamed of themselves.
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I am so sorry that you’ve had to deal with people questioning your daughter’s right to medical care! It’s an outrage. 🙁
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That is a great quote at the beginning! For others to judge is so wrong and your post is 100% true. You are so strong and the obstacles you have faced and overcame is so amazing. I have been reading about your journey with your daughter and I pray for you guys!! I can only imagine how hard it is to see your little one go through all she has went through so far.
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I will never understand some people. I can’t understand why a person would even think this, let alone email you! You have handled the situation here with grace.
You are amazing and right. My blood would boil too. Uggh. I want you to go think of cupcakes, rainbows and happy thoughts and I’ll get miffed for you!!!
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I believe there is a severe imbalance within our healthcare system. With the way group insurance works, there’s just no way to make sure everything is fair and equal. My employer is struggling with that right now – costs are rising and everyone wants to cut out something. However, I can’t understand why anyone would think it’s okay to single out you or your daughter in order to vent. That’s just crazy! Sorry that you had to post such a public response to get your message across.
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I am just flabbergasted that someone would say this about your precious girl. I am so sorry that people feel the need to be mean and rude.
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I can’t believe anyone would ever think that the insurance should fight you! Seriously? YOU PAY for them to offer you health insurance. We shouldn’t have to fight for that HEALTH coverage.
Everyone has a right to life. And if there is medical procedure to help with that life; than it should be allowed. Not refused because it is INCONVENIENT to someone else, or money should be more important.
Really Troll? You are saying MONEY is more important that this beautiful child’s LIFE??? What kind of person are you?
Stay strong, I pray the hatred people spread to you will pass. Adelaide is beautiful and deserves all the medical care that she stands in need of.
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We have two children with Cerebral Palsy. One that is wheelchair bound and blind. I’m pretty sure between my husband and I we have just about heard it all. I sympathize for those that have such a negative view on life. I couldn’t imagine living a life that way.
MommaDJane recently posted…21 Days of Family Bonding
Your response is much more civil than mine would have been. Thanks for articulating yourself to people who need to be educated.
People are mean and cruel and insensitive and I’m certain you are talking about some horrible human being on the other side of a screen just looking to get some sort of reaction from you and you addressed this so beautifully. I really hate to wish ill upon anyone but I hope people who hide behind their screens walk out and get hit by a bus. Keep your head up and keep loving that little girl. 🙂
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Wow! Amazing that someone so cruel would write such harsh words. My momma bear claws are drawn here for you! The people that decided to personally attack such a wonderful child? SHAME on them! You handled this with such grace and I applaud you for that. I would not have been so nice 😉
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So sorry that you were hurt by this. Some people are just insensitive jerks who are trying to get a reaction.
… speechless. The nerve of some, shocked that some are so ignorant. Yet, when you write, you get all kinds …. all kinds.
Tammi @ My Organized Chaos recently posted…Project Life by Stampin’ Up
Very well said. You hit the nail on the head. I am sorry you have people who just do not get it.
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I am shocked that someone would ever think this… I think she is one of the strongest people I know and I love every single post about her and feel blessed to be following her journey through your blog
I dislike that someone thinks they have a place to say these things and I disagree with them 100 times over. A is beautiful and this world needs her.
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Seriously moved to tears that there are people who speak to you, about your life, that way. Your sweet girl is beautiful. And your writing is, as well. Thank you.
That is absolutely disgusting. People can be such f’ing disgusting idiots. Survival of the fittest? Guess what, anonymous A-holes, if it weren’t for modern medicine, over half of you would be dead by now! There is no survival of the fittest anymore. Every other commercial is about a medication to do something for some ailment. I’m really sorry that people are such idiots, and that you have to deal with them.
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Wow. That is sickening. I’m really sorry you have to deal with these idiots on top of everything else. People suck, sometimes.
Jennifer recently posted…Nextbook 8 Has You Covered for Back to School Giveaway
Sometimes I can’t believe how hideous people are. So sorry you have to deal with that ridiculousness.
Stacie @ The Divine Miss Mommy recently posted…Pot de crème
Wow. People get so nasty when they’re behind a computer screen. I’m really sorry you’re having to deal with this garbage.
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ARGH! People can be so nasty! It’s really sad to know that there are people out there who would say such horrible things to such an obviously nice family.
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The things people are saying to you are so terrible! I’m so sorry you have to deal with such junk!
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I’m so sorry to hear that you’re having such trouble with ignorant people like this. I’ll be keeping your family in my thoughts.
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I’m so taken aback by it that I literally don’t even know what to say. I’ve had this open for at least 5 minutes and I’m speechless. I started to call it insensitivity but it’s worse, far worse.
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So many “people” are brave when they are hiding behind their computer screen and posting anonymously. You have a whole online community that supports you and wishes you nothing but the best for you and your family.
People can be so cruel. I often wonder what ugly thing happened to them to make them behave so ugly. Every human being on the planet, especially a child, deserves the best medical care available. Ann is right, you have a whole online community that supports you. Hugs!
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I always feel that the use of that term is condescending as it implies the person saying it is more fit than another in one way or another. Most people have hidden strengths or ones in other areas and those should not be looked down upon or undervalued.
TerriAnn @ Cookies & Clogs recently posted…Brain Teasers for Adults & Kids : Nonograms Picture Puzzles
I think I am very naive because I just wouldn’t think anyone would criticize or be criticized over healthcare and what should or shouldn’t be covered, etc. I am so sorry you go through such things. There are so many things that make me shake my head in this world. Just hold your head high and remember what an inspiration you are to so many.
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I sometimes can’t get over how cruel people are. Do they not realize how it will impact someone else?? They need to put the shoe on the other foot.
Lori Pace recently posted…How to Make Your Own Boxtroll #TheBoxtrolls
I’m continually amazed at just how crappy people can be… Hang in there, girl!
Stacey @ Newlywed Survival recently posted…Couples Resort – The Land of Love in the Poconos
Wow. That is so awful that you have to deal with something like that when you already deal with so much. I feel for ya.
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This is a great article. Thanks for sharing.
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I really don’t understand some people. What happened to compassion? What happened to understanding. I’m so sorry that you have had to go through this. My heart breaks for you!
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such a true statement. One I should probably pay more attention to.
Medical care should be a right, not a privilege. Every person should be treated the same. It’s horrible what some people say and how insensitive insurance companies are.
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Wow. I had no idea people were saying that. You are right about what Survival of the Fittest means. Those who survive, prove they are the fittest by surviving. Like you said, Adelaide is not amazing because she has dwarfism, it’s because she doesn’t let it stop her, or hold her back that she is amazing. You go mom!
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The internet is a pretty amazing place in so many ways. And yet… there’s so much cowardice on the internet, and it makes it just as bad. If only people thought twice before speaking (or typing)
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I am overwhelmed with emotion reading this. I can NOT fathom that someone would say that. What a sick world we live in!! People have little to no morals if they think money is more important than someone’s life. Your daughter is beautiful!! Don’t listen to other people like that. Pray and feel sorry for them because they are the ones who have a warped view of what life is and should be like.
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I know insurance issues are complicated and everyone has their opinion about them, but that never excuses someone using that opinion to be vicious to another person. I don’t understand people who’d take time out of their day to try to bring another person down. They obviously don’t deserve to take up anymore of your time than they already have.
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That is a shame that there are people out there that go out of their way to hurt others. I believe in kindness and try to teach my children to be kind and treat people how they want to be treated.
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