Pregnancy is hard on the body- even the “easy” pregnancies have their days, but it seems like so many things in life, when a woman is pregnant people want to ask questions. Lots of questions… and some of them are rather presumptuous. While I laugh at some inquires, cringe at the few unwanted belly touches, and bite my tongue at the unasked for advice, I figured there were a few things I could just clarify for everyone!
1. No, I’m not done.
Pregnancy is hard, and at some point many women feel that they are done. I get that. When the third trimester strikes, it’s tiring. But not tiring like the first… I don’t want to sleep. I want to do, only I’m bigger (and chasing a toddler) and it’s harder to do… anything. But, I am not done. I love being pregnant. I love knowing that I am protecting that life with all of mine. I love knowing that with each day we are together my babe is getting stronger, healthier, and more prepared for the world!
2. Aren’t you scared for two kids/labor?!
…I’m apprehensive. Having two is certainly not going to be like one, but it was a decision to get pregnant (just as Addie was planned, Millie is too!), and I think with our motto of #MartinkaStrong, we will be just fine! As for labor… I want to bring Camille into the world without medication, the same way I tried with Addie (read her BIRTH STORY). Pregnancy is beautiful, birth is what you make it. I truly believe that. When a nurse overwhelms me, I will stop listening. I will turn my attention to my doulas, inward to my body, to my loving husband and my mother. If a doctor wants to check me and I am sure there is no reason, I’ll ask for time. I have been to this rodeo before. I am ready to make choices, even if they are not the ones I want. I am ready to advocate for the care and birth I want. I am also ready to surrender. To my body. To the moment. To whatever comes in the next few weeks. I do not fear birth.
3. Yep, I can still do that.
Whatever that is, if I am doing it, it means I can. No, I shouldn’t be carrying in a huge box of groceries from BJ’s Wholesale… but I can mow a lawn, I can chase a toddler, I can walk a mile to and from the grocery store. I can, and I will, practice yoga during nap time. I can eat whatever is in my hand and I can drink whatever is in my glass. I can. I really, really can!
4. Are you going to induce?
I don’t know why so many people ask this, or if they know much about the birth process, but no. I will not induce. In my (NOT a doctor NOT a nurse) opinion, medically necessary induction is rare. Age, size of mother or child, or reaching your due date are not medical reasons to induce. Women have been getting pregnant and birthing for a long time. The medical community has learned a lot… the United States, however, does not (NOPE!) have the best mortality rate for mothers. I hope that birth moves more towards being totally patient centered and giving the care to the mother, as well as more choice, but for myself and my research, I choose to let my baby come when she will.
5. Did you want [another] girl? (Followed by: “What does your husband think?”)
Oh my. This one is serious business to me. I always, always smirk. Did we want another girl? No. We wanted another child. Just any child. I don’t even say “healthy” anymore because people consider Addie unhealthy (which isn’t true) and really, a sick child would fit in just fine here, too. We were simply hoping to make another baby (and have some fun doing so). I truly wondered if Dave wanted a boy because I grew up with hearing that- knowing I was, in others’ words, lucky my Dad finally got his boys… I thought maybe we were not quite complete without my brothers, not because of them, but because of gender. Happily, this is not true. Dave heard girl from the tech and I thought he’d left the building for Cloud 9. As he looked at the screen and back down at Addie, I saw him say “Camille.” I myself could barely think. Poor Dave. I thought. And yet here he was, already talking about his girls, and protecting all of his Martinka women.
So… there are some answers! I won’t touch on the inappropriate questions, or the people who want to know more about my pregnancy than my doctor does, but I will tell you there are no current signs of achondroplasia (this does not rule it out). We did deny additional testing beyond a level 2 ultrasound because Millie is doing great in there, and achondroplasia alone is not a reason for a c-section. We will know way more… after she’s born!
What are some questions you wish people would just stop asking during your pregnancy? What’s a question you have about pregnancy? Or my pregnancy? …I promise I won’t bite (and maybe I’ll answer!).