Dear Camille,
Tonight, I fell in love with you.
It seems like these nights have been filled with a lot of reminiscing for your sister and her days of being a baby… and then I feel the weight shift in my arms and you dreamily look up at me. Your big blue eyes struggle to focus as they lull back to sleep. They take your infancy with them. You sleep to dream, to grow. And I am here, holding onto you as though you may awaken as a toddler and not my baby.
Because… someday, that’s exactly what will happen.
But, tonight, I fell in love with you.
From the moment you were born, I was in love. I was passionate. I loved you. But to fall in love. That is different.
Tonight was different.
You grabbed my face and pinched my cheeks, pulling my chin to your mouth, then laughing. You tucked your head into my neck. You gripped at my shirt. You wanted, it seemed, exactly what I did… to get back in. To go back to the days where you were just a few pounds, nestled safely in my womb… not this baby heading towards 25 pounds at an alarming rate.
To think, this whole letter started with me listening to Sigur Rós. I was taken back to warm summer days spent in Philadelphia in love with a boy (sorry, kid, it wasn’t your Dad), wrapped in our sweat and the swirls of cigarette smoke, underwear clad, fingers clumsily clasped together. It was like a movie in my head, but I know it wasn’t in the moment. I know it was real, and raw. There were words we never spoke. But there was this overwhelming calm I felt, just because of the music. And that is me now. Playing Sigur Rós, listening to your breathing on my chest. You and me, kid. We’re not much different… sure there’s no smoke, and it’s really cold out, but here I am, wrapped up in you and you’re wrapped up in me. Your sweat is drenching me, and I couldn’t care less. I’m smiling through tears. This moment is perfect. Up too late, in dyer need of sleep, feeling a calm I don’t usually reach.
I have always and will always love you. And tonight, as had happened before and will happen again, I fell in love with you. With the rise and fall of your chest. With how the music feels in my heart as I rock you in your slumber.
I love you, Camille. My sweet, Millie Mills.
If you ever miss me, wrap yourself in a blanket, close your eyes and play this song.
love,
mom
So sweet 🙂 Motherhood changed me so much, took me to another level. I want to cling to those little moments too, the snuggles and the bonding. I love the music you chose!
Marysa recently posted…Garden Lites ~ Delicious Muffins with Veggies!
I wish we could bottle them up to feel them any time!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…100 Things , #52WeeksA4A
We have to hang on to these moments. They are way too precious and when they are gone…we’ll miss them. Such a sweet post.
Heather recently posted…Biotin Bursts & Keratin Hair Volumizer #Giveaway Ends 4-6
They really are.
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…100 Things , #52WeeksA4A
This made me cry! It’s so important to savor every moment because it’s true, one day you wake up and they aren’t babies anymore!
Jeannette recently posted…How to Make a Spring Bunny Banner
Right?! It’s not fair- really.
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…100 Things , #52WeeksA4A
They grow up so fast!! I remember those days of rocking my little ones and long for them often.
Vera Sweeney recently posted…Daily Diary: Blogging Is Exhausting
Oh Vera… It makes me sad that someday there will be no more little ones in our house 🙁
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…100 Things , #52WeeksA4A
This is beautiful. I feel like I loved my kids now then I did at the time and I feel bad about that. I suffered from sleep exhaustion for like the entire year each was born. I had post partum psychosis. Now I wish I could do it all over again.
Lee
Lee recently posted…Universal Orlando’s Mardi Gras 2015
It’s so hard, Lee. I’m sorry it was a struggle then, but I’m glad you still feel a fondness for their youth!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…100 Things , #52WeeksA4A
I love the honesty in you saying “I love you, but tonight I fell in love with you” so perfect. Every time I fall back in love with my boys, it doesn’t mean I didn’t love them, it means I found something new about them to love!
Melendy recently posted…On a much lighter note… Week 10 – my favorite jewelry…
So true, mama! It’s strange how we just get these rushes of emotion!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…100 Things , #52WeeksA4A
This is so precious and dear. The way you described your past memory intertwined with today’s moment was so beautiful.
Liz Mays recently posted…Great Shows on Netflix! #StreamTeam
Thank you so much, Liz.
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…100 Things , #52WeeksA4A
Cherished your memories of your child will last a lifetime. Thanks for sharing.
PPATRICE M FOSTER recently posted…The teenage depression – a secret problem
I hope I never forget them.
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…100 Things , #52WeeksA4A
So incredibly sweet!! 🙂 She is adorable.
M from K&M: The Stay-at-Home Life recently posted…5 Simple Ways to Make or Save Money
Thank you!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…100 Things , #52WeeksA4A
I totally know what you are talking about:)))))
<3
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…100 Things , #52WeeksA4A
I do see all this. Understand. Beautiful.
Debbie Denny recently posted…The Flintstones and WWE: Stone Age Smackdown! Plus Giveaway! #FlintstonesWWE
Thanks, Debbie.
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…100 Things , #52WeeksA4A
This makes me miss my babies being babies! Cherish every moment as time flies!
Jennifer Clay recently posted…Perfect Memorials: Always in My Heart #Review
It really does!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…100 Things , #52WeeksA4A
They grow amazingly fast, don’t they. The song took a while to load but i am glad i listened.
Amanda M McMahon recently posted…Kids Gotta Play – New Hudson, MI – A fun day!
Sorry about that- it’s one of my faves- I’m glad you enjoyed it!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…100 Things , #52WeeksA4A
This is so sweet. They sure grow fast. My youngest is now seven and I wish I could go back in time and enjoy some of the younger moments.
Stefani Tolson recently posted…Interview With Sandy Powell (Costume Designer) #CinderellaEvent
Oh my gosh… I cannot imagine 7 years… then again, I dream about it and all the cool stuff kids do when they’re a little older. This parenting thing is a total roller coaster!
Chelley @ A is for Adelaide recently posted…100 Things , #52WeeksA4A