Pregnancy is hard on the body- even the “easy” pregnancies have their days, but it seems like so many things in life, when a woman is pregnant people want to ask questions. Lots of questions… and some of them are rather presumptuous. While I laugh at some inquires, cringe at the few unwanted belly touches, and bite my tongue at the unasked for advice, I figured there were a few things I could just clarify for everyone!
1. No, I’m not done.
Pregnancy is hard, and at some point many women feel that they are done. I get that. When the third trimester strikes, it’s tiring. But not tiring like the first… I don’t want to sleep. I want to do, only I’m bigger (and chasing a toddler) and it’s harder to do… anything. But, I am not done. I love being pregnant. I love knowing that I am protecting that life with all of mine. I love knowing that with each day we are together my babe is getting stronger, healthier, and more prepared for the world!
2. Aren’t you scared for two kids/labor?!
…I’m apprehensive. Having two is certainly not going to be like one, but it was a decision to get pregnant (just as Addie was planned, Millie is too!), and I think with our motto of #MartinkaStrong, we will be just fine! As for labor… I want to bring Camille into the world without medication, the same way I tried with Addie (read her BIRTH STORY). Pregnancy is beautiful, birth is what you make it. I truly believe that. When a nurse overwhelms me, I will stop listening. I will turn my attention to my doulas, inward to my body, to my loving husband and my mother. If a doctor wants to check me and I am sure there is no reason, I’ll ask for time. I have been to this rodeo before. I am ready to make choices, even if they are not the ones I want. I am ready to advocate for the care and birth I want. I am also ready to surrender. To my body. To the moment. To whatever comes in the next few weeks. I do not fear birth.
3. Yep, I can still do that.
Whatever that is, if I am doing it, it means I can. No, I shouldn’t be carrying in a huge box of groceries from BJ’s Wholesale… but I can mow a lawn, I can chase a toddler, I can walk a mile to and from the grocery store. I can, and I will, practice yoga during nap time. I can eat whatever is in my hand and I can drink whatever is in my glass. I can. I really, really can!
4. Are you going to induce?
I don’t know why so many people ask this, or if they know much about the birth process, but no. I will not induce. In my (NOT a doctor NOT a nurse) opinion, medically necessary induction is rare. Age, size of mother or child, or reaching your due date are not medical reasons to induce. Women have been getting pregnant and birthing for a long time. The medical community has learned a lot… the United States, however, does not (NOPE!) have the best mortality rate for mothers. I hope that birth moves more towards being totally patient centered and giving the care to the mother, as well as more choice, but for myself and my research, I choose to let my baby come when she will.
5. Did you want [another] girl? (Followed by: “What does your husband think?”)
Oh my. This one is serious business to me. I always, always smirk. Did we want another girl? No. We wanted another child. Just any child. I don’t even say “healthy” anymore because people consider Addie unhealthy (which isn’t true) and really, a sick child would fit in just fine here, too. We were simply hoping to make another baby (and have some fun doing so). I truly wondered if Dave wanted a boy because I grew up with hearing that- knowing I was, in others’ words, lucky my Dad finally got his boys… I thought maybe we were not quite complete without my brothers, not because of them, but because of gender. Happily, this is not true. Dave heard girl from the tech and I thought he’d left the building for Cloud 9. As he looked at the screen and back down at Addie, I saw him say “Camille.” I myself could barely think. Poor Dave. I thought. And yet here he was, already talking about his girls, and protecting all of his Martinka women.
So… there are some answers! I won’t touch on the inappropriate questions, or the people who want to know more about my pregnancy than my doctor does, but I will tell you there are no current signs of achondroplasia (this does not rule it out). We did deny additional testing beyond a level 2 ultrasound because Millie is doing great in there, and achondroplasia alone is not a reason for a c-section. We will know way more… after she’s born!
What are some questions you wish people would just stop asking during your pregnancy? What’s a question you have about pregnancy? Or my pregnancy? …I promise I won’t bite (and maybe I’ll answer!).
What a great – and needed – post! That last one ruffles my feathers so much. Did you want such and such gender. Um, yes. I wanted a baby – plain and simple dummy!
You are doing a fabulous job 🙂 Keep rockin’ pregnancy
Mary Larsen recently posted…My Kid Sucked {guest post}
Yeah… always struck me as strange!
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
I was very nervous about having my second. I couldn’t wrap my brain around how I could love another little human as much as I loved my first son, but as soon as he was born, my fears were gone.
That is a blessing to hear. I am nervous there won’t be enough of me physically!
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
Although I’d like to one day have at least one of each sex (just for funsies!) I do think there is something inherently sexist in the attitude people have towards a family full of girls. And, coming from a family full of boys, I’ve felt that way in the past just because I liked how I grew up. But, lately, when I see a family full of girls I think that it is the cutest thing ever, just like a family of boys is.
Caitlin recently posted…The first day of kindergarten
Dave loves having his girls. I think what’s most important is having children if you want them! It’s such a blessing for us!
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
I love your take on this pregnancy! So many are so particular in what they want in their pregnancy; and they limit themselves a lot. “Oh I’m pregnant; I can’t do that”. But that’s silly. I was moving furniture at 6 months pregnant. Not lifting super heavy stuff, but I was still rearranging stuff to get it just right. I was cleaning, walking, and staying busy. Yes, there are limits but not as many as I see a lot of pregnant women use as an excuse. Yes, there are some that actually have health issues that they really can’t, but for the average healthy pregnant mom; a lot is still open to us.
Amber Edwards recently posted…Top 5 ways on How to Reduce Stress to Have a Happy Home.
The worst is “In your condition…” lol. Don’t worry about my condition, worry about your lack of knowledge!
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
Great post! I think a natural birth is best, if you can handle it. My sister had an epidural and it darn near killed her. I’m serious, it was messed up. They hit something in there wrong and her blood pressure dropped like a stone. It was scary.
Jennifer recently posted…Dinner after Dinner for my Hungry Man
I do not know after what I went through with my 1st son and labor and then after all the hours in labor having to have a c-section and the having a total of 5 c-sections I would take my c-section any day! I think everyone is different and so is each pregnancy.
Mama to 5 BLessings recently posted…Expecting? Join The Mattel Community & Earn Rewards
I am terrified of surgery! BUT, getting babies out in the safest way is what I support!!
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
That is so scary! I am hoping to go no meds at all this time. They say second labors are faster… so one can hope this isn’t another 36 hour marathon for me!
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
Great post! I have 5 and I am not done either, just have to get my husband on board with that idea! LOL
Mama to 5 BLessings recently posted…Sweet & Savory Broccoli Salad
You will! I think you’re an amazing mama!
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
This is a great post. I can’t count the times well meaning people advised me on almost every aspect of my pregnancy. I know they meant well, but still…
Courtney recently posted…Beginning of School Party with Nestle! #MyGoodLife #Shop
Yeah… if I didn’t ask, it’s OK to keep your opinions to yourself! 🙂
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
Yeah… after my first baby, I realized that all the worrying in the world doesn’t change anything. I also realized that I was going to get A LOT of well meant but overly personal questions.
Stacie @ The Divine Miss Mommy recently posted…Things you can do as a volunteer and how to become one
I thought people would leave me alone this time… but no. I think Addie make people a bit more curious.
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
Bravo! I got really sick of the “Did you want another?” question when we were pregnant with our 3rd. Yes, she happened way sooner than we thought, but I wouldn’t change a thing.
Mandi recently posted…I’m Your Jamberry Nails Independent Consultant
So strange. People think their idea of family/gender/etc. is so obviously going to be the same idea everyone has. Ummmm… NOPE!
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
This is a wonderful post. Whenever someone asked me if I wanted a boy or a girl or any other question like that, I just told them I wanted to have a happy baby. It didn’t bother me. I know they meant well and were just curious.
Marina recently posted…Pre-order your LeapTV starting TODAY! (9/2)
I don’t mind the question, I mind the innuendo that my husband would be disappointed in another child of the same gender.
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
I always hated when strangers approached me and wanted to touch my belly. Umm, in my opinion that is an invasion of my personal space. I would never approach someone I had never met before and want to touch them for any reason. It’s just weird!
Someone kissed their hand and then touched my belly when I was pregnant with Addie. I was stunned into silence.
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
It is amazing what people think they need to say to people. Congrats on your pregnancy!!
Tammilee Tips recently posted…Daily Diary ~ We are headed to Reno for the Great Reno Balloon Race!
Thank you, Tammilee.
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
I hate when people get aggravated or say I bet you wanted a boy..blah, blah! It’s like you cant just make a certain gender intentionally. I want to know how many days you have left until Millie comes? Cute name too!
Amy Desrosierss recently posted…Affordable & Compact: Epson Expression Home XP-410 Small-in-One All-in-One Printer
I’m due the 23rd… or the 19th. LOL! Docs can’t agree- and one literally said, “this baby is going to be bigger than Addie.” Ummm… no kidding… Addie has a form of dwarfism!
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
I can relate to a lot of this. I really love your posts. So thoughtful and real!
Jenn Park recently posted…Car Shopping on Cars.Com with Your #NewCarFace
Thank you, Jenn!
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
I loved being pregnant too! I just relished those kicks and hiccups and movements inside from the sweet baby. 🙂
Liz Mays recently posted…Chicken Tetrazzini With a Twist
YES! Millie has hiccups right now!
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
Pregnancy was real tough for me! So tough I gave up after one child!
Myrah – Coupon Mamacita recently posted…Dollar Tree Coupon Deals 8/31 – 9/6
You didn’t give up! One is perfect for you! <3
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
I always wonder why all the questions……maybe people are just trying to make conversation but I don’t know. I have only 1 child and am in my 40s – I get hounded with ?s too. Sometimes they are hurtful. Oh, will people never learn.
Debra recently posted…Guardians of the Galaxy Toys – Hottest Finds this Holiday Season #GOTGWM (Giveaway)
I’m sorry, mama! My parents had my brothers “later in life” and even I get strange questions about why we are all so spaced out (7 years between myself and my sister and 8 years between me and my brothers).
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
Good luck in the hospital! I actually loved delivering babies and staying in the hospital bonding with them for a few days! I’ll be thinking of you!!!
Kristin Wheeler (@MamaLuvsBooks) recently posted…Back to School Means Back to Basics
I am going to try and get out of there ASAP! I’ve been in hospitals too much this summer!
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
So I’m pregnant with my 3rd. It’s a boy. I have 2 girls and everyone wants to know if we were trying for a boy! Ugh. In addition to that they follow up with, “wow, your kids are close in age, did you plan it this way, and three kids is a lot!”
And then our family wants to know if we are done!? Done?! We are 35 years old. We aren’t ancient and who knows what the future holds.
All I know is that I love my family and we have the best time together. Some days aren’t easy but that’s the case with or without kids.
Candice recently posted…Our Labor Day Traditions
I like to ask strange questions back… like when I was asked if Dave really wanted another baby so soon, I asked if they were spanked as a child. Because really… is it your business? And the answer is yes… this was another planned baby! Shocking! 🙂
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
some of the things that people let leave their mouths amaze me! and it’s not just after the first. or the second. they just always have something to say. just tell us our babies are beautiful and shut up!
LOL. Amen!
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
We got all kinds of stupid questions when I was pregnant. I was so annoyed
Debi recently posted…Getting Active and Staying Healthy with the Samsung Galaxy S5 Sport #SprintMom
I love “are you done”? Nope. I’m still baking… and as for more… who knows. Gotta have this one first, regardless!
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
I never cared if my kids were boys or girls. I had so many people ask which I wanted.
Ellen Christian recently posted…Fun Non Candy Halloween Treats to Make Today
Seriously. I just never had a thought about it!
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
Great post! Pregnancy is one of those things that people will never stop giving their unwanted opinions about. I hated everyone trying to do EVERYTHING for me when I was pregnant (4 times!) I’m not on bed rest! I’m glad to hear everything is going well so far. I must admit though, that I was confused right till the end as you switch from saying Millie to Camilla and it never occurred to me that Millie was a nickname/short form for Camilla.
Kathleen Bailey recently posted…5 Morning Routine Tips (+ giveaway)
Sorry! Yes. Millie is short for Camille!
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
When I was pregnant with my second I was sure I was done. But as soon as she was born I knew I wanted more children!
Anne recently posted…Dogs Love Treats
I would have way more if we could… but I think 2 or three is just right!
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
I get a lot of ‘your done now’ comments which started after our second son was born. Now I just tell them I am not done until my body is incapable of making a baby. Loved certain aspects of pregnancy as well as meeting a new little person.
LauraOinAK recently posted…Highlighting Your Features with Gleam by Melanie Mills
Exactly!
martinkadelux recently posted…Marvelous Monday
All these tips are outstanding. A pregnant woman would know these things to live a happy life. What a beautiful outcome, you persevered didn’t give up and with lots of love, support and determination came through with great success. I want to live a happy life when I pregnant.
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