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Dating…

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I answered a few questions for a friend. She’s in college and doing a class survey, and I was sort of shocked by what I felt. I wanted to put these few samples of my answers out there to see what others thought! I am 30, married for almost 6 years and never did online dating, so I am curious what other people think! Please share your thoughts!

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How do you believe dating practices have changed over time? How do your generation’s experiences differ from those of your parents or grandparents? In your opinion, are those changes negative or positive?

Me: They’ve become less personal. For my generation, and future, the idea is to look good on paper- I don’t believe this translates into healthy, long term relationships, however. Our grandparents and parents were pinned, went steady, wore varsity jackets- which I think is sweet. Women also went to college specifically to find a husband and left school to become his wife, losing a yet unformed identity- not something I would choose for myself. The rise of internet dating among younger people has left people unable to meet and strike up conversation- we’re all buried in our devices looking for who we match. Truthfully, the change is a combination, but more negative. The more we can communicate all the time, the less we seem to actually talk and connect.

Do you agree with the saying that “chivalry is dead?” Why or why not?

Me: Absolutely not. I think with more single parents, generations are seeing less healthy couple interaction- the love and adoration 2 people who have child(ren) come to have for each other, but we also see so much more gender slamming, especially of males, wrongly declared in the name of feminism.

Do you believe that advances in technology have positively or negatively affected dating and relationships? How so?

Me: I think it’s great to meet new people we otherwise would not meet, but are we stunting our ability to connect in person because we rely so heavily on algorithms to tell us our compatibility? The more we can connect, the further we seem to drift from the ability to communicate, or the desire to understand and keep personal touch with people over a long-term period.

Some say that today’s adolescents and young adults are part of a “Hookup Culture.” Do you agree?

Me: Yes. I think females tend to try so hard and go to such great lengths to make a male like her, that she misses the part where she’s supposed to like herself.

Do you believe that hookups are replacing committed relationships in today’s generation? Why or why not?

Me: Yes, in the initial relationship. There was a time that relationships began as two people… now they seem to be two people getting to know multiple people, both emotionally and physically, and then deciding if they want to be with just one of those people, or carry on as is, or maybe drop a person or two and pick another up.

 How do you feel about our dating culture? What do you hope changes in the dating scene before your children are at that age?

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Comments

  1. I met my current boyfriend through the Tinder app. We’ve been together for nine months and I couldn’t be happier. But, I know this isn’t the case for everyone.

    After messaging, we realized we were both graduate students at the same (very large) university with a similar group of friends. And at our first date, I realized he had been good friends with one of my current roommates for 4+ years. It was definitely strange! I like to think that we would have met eventually because of these coincidences, but I really don’t know.

    I moved to Florida from another state for graduate school, and I had recently ended a three year relationship. For about two years, I only met people through school and I worked as a babysitter, so I wasn’t meeting men that way. Previously I met boys through school or work. I also spend a great deal of time doing homework and attending class, so I wasn’t getting out much. That’s why I turned to online dating websites and apps.

    So the current dating culture seems to be working for me. I’m incredibly happy. But I hope my children won’t have to date this way, only because I encountered a lot of sexism and rudeness and men just wanting sex. I probably went on over 20 dates in two years before I met my current boyfriend and decided to pursue a relationship with him.

    Reply

  2. Oh I definitely think the up and coming generation is all about hookups, which is kind of a shame. I get that people want to experiment and whatnot, but when they get older and find themselves in a “real” relationship, they are probably going to feel bad about their behavior.

    Reply

  3. I think the future of dating looks a little bleak. I met my husband in middle school, and I feel EXTRA lucky because I’m too shy for the online dating and such that seems to be popular these days. I’m thankful that I never had to play that game! Not sure it would have been my scene.
    Leah recently posted…The Mommy Hook Review and GIVEAWAYMy Profile

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  7. The dating scene sure has changed since I was in it almost 12 years ago. I was very lucky to met my husband pretty easily through mutual friends that we never knew we had. I hope my children see what we have and find it themselves rather then becoming a ton of regret later hookups.
    Jenn recently posted…Wednesday Weekly Giveaway LinkyMy Profile

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  9. I agree with so much of this! I think dating has changed a lot, even in the two years I stopped dating when I got married. I think that people are so plugged in these days that they are missing out on real life interactions. I started talking a lot to my husband over facebook chat after we met and I realized I had an easier time talking to him over facebook then in real life. It was terrible! The more time we spent face to face, however, the easier it was for me to relax around him. I am grateful for advances made in modern technology, but I think there is a fine balance between the two when it comes to dating!
    Chelsie recently posted…One more note on Superbowl SundayMy Profile

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  10. Hookups have been going on for over 40 years. They were destructive then, and they are now. I’m so glad I finally started to respect and care for myself and eventually married the greatest guy. We both have pasts we regret. Nothing good comes from casual sex without love. Not for either partner. Sex is front and center because relationships aren’t. But it never satisfies without love.
    angela@spinachtiger recently posted…Nashville Based Christie Cookies Co. and a Valentine’s Cookie GiveawayMy Profile

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  15. It’s interesting how today’s dating culture is centered on social media interaction. When my husband and I were dating, we hardly ever communicated over social media – it was all face to face or through phone calls. It’s going to be interesting seeing how social media and dating affect this future generation.

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  20. Relationships and how they are started has definitely changed. There are so many other ways to connect now a days. I met my husband in high school, so I’ve never had to do online or anything else. My mom’s friend re-connected with an old boyfriend recently through Facebook. It’s been 30+ years and he has been married and divorced with grown kids. But they are finally back together after all these years and its because of online sources. Not really a dating site but…?

    Reply

  21. I dated like people in past generations. I met my husband in high school had one serious relationship and married young. I want my daughter to take her time and date a few people and marry a little later in life then I did. I will support her no matter what but I hope she will have a little more life experience than I did.
    Karissa recently posted…Bloglovin’ Blog Hop #107My Profile

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  24. I still believe in the dating magic and that if things are meant to be, they will happen. I met my boyfriend through work, but we didn’t start dating until a year after I started. We’ve been together almost two year and I’m really happy. I think dating has changed, but I think I’ve always handled it the same. I don’t go looking for the perfect guy, I just think he found me.
    Brenda recently posted…Little PursesMy Profile

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  31. Interesting topic. I have a lot of friends who met their husbands online and they’re in very strong rewarding partnerships. I think online dating is just as valid as any other type, it’s merely a form of introduction.

    I also think that the fact that people are waiting longer to get married translates into stronger relationships because people have had the opportunity to date and travel and work and form an identity so when they get married, an identity is preexisting and there is something substantive to bring to the relationship.
    Sojourner recently posted…Re-discovering Myrtle Beach or That one Spring Break or Don’t Be a Victim of Winter Weather!My Profile

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  32. As someone who met her husband online, I think dating has changed in good and bad ways. I would have never found someone who lives hours away without the technological changes to dating. However, once that connection was made, our dating and marriage experience was very old fashioned. I think many people today skip the dating part in general and go straight to the more physical aspect and in that way things are vastly different.
    Jeannette recently posted…Reconnect with a Romantic Date Night & Printable Love CouponsMy Profile

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  37. I personally love the way that technology has opened people to find partners in places that they wouldn’t have found them otherwise. It’s given less outgoing people a fighting chance, and perhaps some needed confidence as well.
    However, I recently read an article that suggested that our “hook-up” culture was leading to a culture of divorce, where life-long commitment would eventually become obselete. There may be some truth to that.
    Megan Elford recently posted…Home Daycare How-To: DisciplineMy Profile

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  38. I couldn’t agree more! I love that you said “look good on paper” because that is exactly what I think this generation is caught up in! As long as our social media accounts portray that we are “OK” then we are… Which is so far from the truth. Thanks for sharing this. Made me think!
    Charlotte’s Little Web recently posted…Fireball Shots & Dirty LaundryMy Profile

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  40. One thing that I actually hated about dating in my 30s before meeting my husband was it seemed that no one spoke on the phone anymore. I was all texting and social media. I found it frustrating. I think online dating has its merits and know some successful couples that have met that way, but I think when you are courting and trying to learn one another, the conversations should be real not scripted. The age of text and internet take away the spontaneity of conversation.
    the pinterested parent recently posted…Valentine’s Day RubsMy Profile

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  41. I agree that our communication is going is happening through technology more than face to face. It isn’t just hurting the our relationships but also our work ethics and people skills.
    Ashley recently posted…Loving Yourself!My Profile

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  44. Answering questions about the dating culture of today is pretty challenging because there are so many different social groups and factors to consider. I guess my initial response would center on an increasing acceptance or desire for many to “skip the date” and go for the bedroom gusto. I do believe more and more people (especially younger ones) are being guided by lust, physical attraction, and gravitating towards individuals for all the wrong reasons (like money, status, notoriety, or they have a good job). One prime indicator of this is found in our popular culture. With shows like The Bachelor (WHO wants to date a man whose spent ‘quality time’ with a bunch of other ladies in such a short time span) and um…most every dating show on MTV (like Dating Naked – really?), we’re becoming increasingly wired to accept this type of “dating”.

    I think dating online presents unique challenges (‘catfishing’ is a sad reality that I feel so bad for people who get tricked in this manner) , but it’s just as risky or fulfilling as meeting someone at a bar, through a friend, or at the workplace.

    My head is swirling with all these thoughts, but if I had to enter the dating pool now at any age, I’d be ultra-paranoid, mistrusting and probably disappointed at the prospects of finding ‘the one’.
    Yona Williams recently posted…Valentine’s Day Deals on Products and Companies We’ve Featured in the PastMy Profile

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  47. My oldest is getting really close to that age – and I can’t help but be concerned! I do think the whole scene has changed a lot, but it always does, doesn’t it? I think it’s just important to talk, talk talk! Talk about how you met your husband and how romantic things were, about how their grandparents met, etc. Let them know what loving someone really means!

    Reply

  49. With online dating and other ways of meeting people, dating has shifted in a new direction. The emotional behaviors remain the same.

    Reply

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