Raising a child is one of the most primal and instinctive urges and tasks that most people are likely to encounter. However, despite all this, it isn’t always as obvious an undertaking as some may like. While some things come instinctively, there’s something of a gap between an instinct and knowing how to respond.
Likewise, much about children must be learned, as with any other skill. This, naturally, gives way to poor ideas about child care that have perpetuated themselves despite their uselessness or even danger.
Knowing old myths about child care and how to avoid them is a very good step expectant parents-to-be should take. One part of knowing what to do is to figure out what not to do as well, especially as we turn to the internet and other people for advice or ideas. This will not be a comprehensive shopping list of child care tips, nor can we cover every piece of bad advice you’re likely to come across. But we hope that it may enlighten you towards some of the more common myths that can be encountered, and equip you to better deal with them.
Nothing can Substitute the Parent in Child Care
It is true that it can be very beneficial for the parents to spend a lot of time with the child early on during its development. It builds bonds between the different family members, creates a stable and loving environment for the child to grow up in, and ensures that the child’s needs are being met.
However, it would be mistaken to say that there’s no room for other people in the child’s care or that the child needs to be with the mother 24/7.
The fact remains that taking care of a child is an exhausting and difficult business, and parents should not operate under the assumption that they must do so alone. Allowing close relatives, such as grandparents or uncles and aunts, or even friends and neighbours to take a role in a child’s care is both healthy and positive. Likewise, by the child’s third year, leaving the child in non-maternal day care centers can also be healthy for the child to experience.
Parents Always Know Best
Remember what we said about parenting being a learned skill? This means that, on occasion, parents can pick up “false-positives” while rearing their child. As such, do not fall prey to the temptation that just because someone is a parent they somehow know more about parenting than other people, especially child care specialists, doctors or pediatricians. Just because you spend time in a garden doesn’t make you an expert on plant biology, and just because you watch the History Channel doesn’t make you a historian (although it might well make you an alien conspiracy theorist). Likewise, just because you have a child doesn’t make you an expert in child care.
In general you shouldn’t just accept advice off-hand. Always look for a second opinion. If a friend who is also a parent recommends an unusual remedy (“I always give my kids a little X to help them with Y, and it works great!”) double-check with a pediatrician first to make sure it’s on the level.
Grandmother Remedies
We’re going to be fair: some of these are actually effective, based on trial-and-error observation conducted by parents in the past. For example, rubbing a slice of lemon on a wasp sting does help soothe the irritation, as the acids help balance the alkaline within the sting. However not all work, and are based on the sort of false-positive we mentioned earlier. Butter, for example, will not help a burn. If anything, it’ll make it worse by trapping the heat.
Only use grandmother remedies in your child care if you don’t have anything better, and you know it will work. Never try it without verifying the effects first, and never use them instead of actual medicine. Remember that these remedies work because of naturally occurring chemicals found within them – medicine purchased at a pharmacy deliver those chemicals in more efficient and concentrated forms.
Absolutely never substitute any such remedy for emergency care. Medical sciences developed for a reason — familiarize yourself with local urgent care centers like Night Lite Pediatrics in case you should need it.
Child Care Centers Erode Family Values
A family is only as strong as the people within it. There has for many years been an assumption that placing children in child care centers will somehow damage the bonds between parent and child through traumatising and forced separation. This isn’t strictly speaking true.
Children can be greatly unnerved and frightened by sudden changes in environment and being left in strange places with strange people. However, this quickly passes once those places and people become familiar. As long as you reassure the child that you will come get them again afterward, they should be fine (but remember every child is different). After that, the chance to experience new things, benefit from toys and facilities that child care can offer, and meet with new children around their age, can be greatly beneficial both in the moment as well as in their long-term development.
The only way child care centers can be damaging to the child’s relationship with their parents is if a child care center is used as a substitute for actual parenting. Remember: you are that child’s parent.
Child care centers should only be used as a supplement to what you are already providing, not as a surrogate. You must ensure you are giving the child what it needs whenever it is at home.
Parents Should Pay For Their Own Children
Your children are not a private commodity. They are not only your benefit: they are a long term investment to your community. Remember: all children grow up. You will be responsible for the sort of grown up they become, and the sort of grown up they become will influence how they affect the community they grow into. As such, there is no reason you cannot benefit from public funding towards child care. Good child care makes your children into better citizens and better members of society, so if you must benefit from public child care schemes to ensure their good future, do not be ashamed to make use of them.
Your children deserve the best start in life that they can have. So you have a duty as a parent to ensure they can benefit from any advantage you can afford them, or can be provided with by the local government.
Christian Mills is a freelance writer and family man who contributes articles and insights on various issues affecting home and family life.
Yes, children deserve the best that we can give them. No child should get less!
I totally agree with this. Parents are the backbone of a family, but there’s plenty of room for other people in a child’s life.
Dawn recently posted…Birthday Cake Freezer Pops Recipe
This is such a great post. My sister was a single mom, and she got tons of help from the family. The kids are better for it, I think!
Jennifer recently posted…The Avengers Assemble May 1st – Coloring Sheets
This is such a great article. There are lots of “myths” that are true, and lots that aren’t. The biggest myth out there is that moms have to do it all alone. We don’t!
Melissa Pezza recently posted…Ways To Pamper Yourself As a New Mom!
I so agree with all of these, my MIL thinks she knows best and all her old ways are the only ways. Drives me insane!!
Tammi @ My Organized Chaos recently posted…Kitchen Clean-Up Challenge
I completely agree about children being an asset to the community, what a wonderful sentiment! I don’t have my own kids yet but I try to help out my friends and family in their parenting however they feel suitable!
I have always believed the more people in a child’s life to help teach them the better. Its like the old saying It takes a village.
There are so many studies that show having more than just a parent being involved in a child’s life is beneficial to them. Remember that old saying “it takes a village”? Well it’s true for a reason. Having other people involved in a child’s life simply gives them more people to rely on to help establish what it means to grow up. Just so long as the parent doesn’t leave all the parenting to the other people in the child’s life, but is the Main source. Then the other people become a great source to confirm to the child what the parents are already teaching them.
Amber Edwards recently posted…Top 5 Uses for the Motorola Baby Monitor!
I worked in child care for many years and you are spot on for many of your points. I love the grandmother myths! So true!
Kelly Hutchinson recently posted…Hamburger Helper Shepherds Pie Recipe #FreeBeef #Helper
I have always been narcotic on who watches my children. It is so hard to trust people these days. The only ones who have watched my children are my parents thankfully they are not too far away.
Mama to 5 BLessings recently posted…Hallmark Community Awareness
There are definitely some nonsensical “grandmother’s” remedies out there. You have to think logically when it comes to your kid’s health.
Liz Mays recently posted…Put Your Heart to Paper this Mother’s Day
Oh, the Grandmother advice! You really hit it all with this post! So much has changed.
Melissa recently posted…An Interview with Aaron Taylor-Johnson and Elizabeth Olsen #AvengersEvent
I really like how you said that children “are a long term investment to your community.” I think that is so true. We are responsible for the type of adult they will become and it’s important to surround them with good influences.
Allie D. recently posted…Masking Tape Road For Kids
Everything your brought up is so important. These children are our future and need to be cared for so that our future will be better and brighter.
Valerie recently posted…The Top 3 Places To Stay When Visiting Hersheypark #HersheyPA #SweetWelcome
I love how you summed up this posting. Like others who have commented, I totally agree about community. It’s so important to a child’s upbringing.
Amanda recently posted…10 Healthy & Delicious Road Trip Snacks for Kids!
Gorgeous photo!! Yes, I agree that parents do know best! They have to go with their gut! That instinct is what leads them to do what it best for their kids!
Kristin Wheeler recently posted…NEW Version HEXBUG AquaBot Toys for Kids
This is a really great post! I think that having other family members in the child’s life is very important!
Autumn @Mamachallenge recently posted…Cheer Up with Cherries: Gluten-Free Black Forest Brownies
I am amazed with the old world recipes! They help so well usually – thank you for the reminder
Lena recently posted…Gluten Free Spotlight: Enjoy Life Decadent Bars
This is a great article. Parents are fundamental to their kids but it can be a difficult job
Debi- Travel Blogger recently posted…Frosted Death by Chocolate- Frozen Hot Chocolate
Hi Adelaide, Great post – when I became a single mom, I realized so many of these points – I did need another adult’s opinion and help to balance me and our little family – I do remember I grew up in a family oriented little community of grandparents and cousins and it felt right as a kid when my Grandma stepped in with some advice.
Donna Ward recently posted…Keys to Being a Bold Content Strategist?
Oh boy is this a great list. Especially grandma’s remedies, and parents know best. We need to think outside the box because no child is a one-size-fits-all and neither is parenting.
Dee Mauser recently posted…Staying Consistent is Key for Managing Your Dogs Weight #PerfectWeight
Parents should be the parents. It’s that plain and simple. Grandparents had their time, aunts and uncles shouldn’t have a say (an opinion, yes of course, but it’s the parents ultimate decision).
Debbie recently posted…Simply Sundays Link Party #10
Really great post!
Parents for sure do not always know best. I can’t even begin to list the ways I thought latter that how I handled a situation was just all kinds of wrong. Just because it sounded like awesome advice from 1 parent, it’s certainly not a one size fits all working theory for sure!
Im still waiting for kids to come with handbooks. It would make this tangled weave much less treadable 😉
We pay a small fortune so that our children can have the best education in our area. I think it is worth it because the values and morals they are taught are priceless.
I always enjoy the help and advice from friends and family. It is great to have other perspectives or ideas when it comes to parenting. Having my kids involved in activities and clubs has let them benefit from the knowledge and perspective of others around them. I agree that Parents don’t have to do it all themselves.
Andrea Kruse recently posted…Savory Sausage and Pepper Crepes – My Little Trip to Flavortown
They say it takes a village! They spend more time with educators and caregivers than they do at home most times.
Staff members at good centers are usually trained in early childhood education so they know what to expect from your child developmentally and are able to nurture his growing skills accordingly.
Children thrive when there is consistency in care between home and school. In high-quality preschools, teachers value parents as the experts on their children. Parents get daily reports on their child’s activities and regular meetings are scheduled for more in-depth conferences with staff.
If you’re considering a center, find out how long the current caregivers have been working there and how much turnover the center usually experiences.