I spent June on a roller coaster. Proud, but scared. Shamed, but honest. It was a lot. But so is every day. Living in a closet… it’s hard. I feel blessed that I’ve never hidden from Dave, never hidden from my best friend- for 14 years. I’ve never hidden from Lydia, Lu, Laura, Kate, or Kelli. They have always been my safe.
I realize that the only closet someone comes out of is the one they are afraid of. The people they know will judge them, worse, hurt them. Because there is nothing like being hurt by those we just want to love us. And for some, that is everyone. For me, that was most people. Addie’s first year at a new school. Millie in a Christian-based school.
But no one batted an eye.
I was hugged. The Knowing Hug, but not the Judging You Hug. And I needed that. Because not everyone was like that. Somehow the people I love the most, hold the closest- they were the worst.
Because it was weird to be me. Like me-me. This past year has been hard. And everyone has questions and I don’t have answers. I just have me. As I am. I hope Pride Month gave everyone an opportunity to be proud, even if you’re still hiding. It’s OK to do whatever you have to so that you feel safe. So that you can be safe.
Sometimes being safe is feeling mediocre. Mundane. Part of yourself never gets to live. But being safe is more important… isn’t it? I hope we are creating a world where no one needs to come out. Where our children love who they love and introduce their partner with no grandstand. Who have children however they have children. Who live married and happy, or single and happy, or polyamorous and happy. As long as our children are free.