Marvelous Monday

It\’s Monday… again… and, if you\’re local to me, you probably saw snow.

Yes. Snow.

It wasn\’t so bad, but made me so excited for the holiday season! I love the holidays! And, thankfully, my mom taught Addie \”Jingle Bells\” and we\’ve watched Curious George\’s Christmas on Netflix… so we\’re ready. Hooray!

But, I digress.

It\’s Monday. A marvelous Monday! And at some point last week I took the plunge to open up the disc my doula, Erica, gave me containing Millie\’s birth pictures. I have to admit she dropped it off a while ago, but I was so scared to see them that I kept them locked in the case, in the bag the case came in.

But, the kids were both asleep and my work was waning for the afternoon, and I dared open the input on my laptop. As I opened the folder of files, tears filled my eyes. I was scared about what was there. The anger I still have about my body failing, about having a beautiful birth and then somehow it all stopped. The beauty ended. I couldn\’t get it together…

I mean, I did… at some point. But those moments in between, the shaking and pain, medication and bleeding. While I was failing, Erica found the beauty. Me telling my mom that Camille had arrived. Dave helping me nurse our newest for the first time. Skin-to-skin with Dave.

While I\’ve been feeling lost about her birth, wondering how my body could do so much and give up at the end… it really was just a blip. It\’s been taking over my mind, but what defined the birth- her birth- Camille\’s arrival… is her. She\’s here, happy and healthy and I\’m OK, too!

Here\’s to a new week (my last week in my 20\’s!), a new outlook, and accepting things we cannot change- but seeing the beauty and perfection in what they were.

 

Have a beautiful week, Reader!